In Between Days
by GeekBastard23
Summary: In the aftermath of a case gone wrong, Gibbs has his own way to deal with the possible looming death of his brand-new agent. Pre-Series and Pre-Slash Gibbs/Tony
1. Waiting

_**Disclaimer: **NCIS and its characters don't belong to me.  
_

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_**In Between Days**_

Chapter One: Waiting

_February 2002_

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Ignoring the strange looks he was getting from the people that passed his way, Gibbs kept on pacing through the waiting room. He hated waiting and he hated hospitals with their sterile smell and the odd feeling of helplessness that seemed to sweep through every room and every hallway. He had already lost count of the minutes he had already been there, losing himself in his own movements. One step at a time, twenty-four steps until he had to turn around again to avoid running headfirst into a wall. Though, coming to think of that, slamming his head into said wall didn't seem to be a too bad sentiment at the moment.

It all seemed still strangely unreal to him, even countless minutes and hours later. Gibbs had no clue how it could have happened. They had taken all precautions, had gone over their perfect little plan so many times only to find out that it hadn't been perfect at all. Sighing and running a hand through his hair, Gibbs tried to think about anything but what had happened. He quickly looked at his hand that seemed to be pretty dirty and just as he had started to wonder why that was, he realized that it wasn't dirt but blood. Trying to keep the thoughts of how it had gotten there out of his mind, he finally slumped down on one of the chairs, almost chuckling as the guy next to him let out relieved sigh as if he had been waiting for this moment for the last couple of hours. Maybe, Gibbs thought, he actually had and he tried to give him an apologetic smile or shrug at least, but found himself unable to even turn into the man's direction.

Sheer exhaustion suddenly seemed to pull him in, even though he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep now or until all of this had blown over – if it ever would. He wasn't quite sure if he'd be able to live with himself if this would come to a devastating end. He didn't know what he'd do if those doctors came through the doors and tell him that it was over. What had happened wasn't necessarily his fault, he knew that, but he also knew that he was just as responsible for the things he'd done as for the things he hadn't done. Had he really made sure that the plan was safe enough? Had he really done everything in his power to keep both of them from harm?

The events, however, had proven that he hadn't thought it through thoroughly enough. It wasn't for the first time now that he wondered why all of this hadn't happened to him instead. It should have, but it hadn't and now Gibbs was left to shred himself to tiny little pieces over it. He wasn't entirely sure whether he'd be able to keep going if this was the end. He had never gotten over the grief and guilt about what had happened almost eleven years ago, his last divorce was evidence enough for that, and he had no idea how he'd be able to deal with the aftermath of this case. He had just gotten used to work in a team again, had gotten used to depend on someone else. He had lost a lot of trust in teammates as a result of Jenny's betrayal and just when he had somewhat regained it, it was forcefully torn away from him again.

He remained seated there for what seemed to be a very long time, hardly noticing that the waiting room was getting emptier with every minute that passed. A quick glance at his watch told him that it was already ten o'clock at night, but he couldn't even tell when he had first came here. He let his head drop back against the wall with a soft thud, wondering how long it could possibly take to inform him about anything. Squeezing his eyes shut, desperately trying to block out the possibility of having to hear an _I'm sorry _from any of the doctors, Gibbs realized that he had rarely ever felt that queasy, that nervous and that devastated over an agent, over a co-worker. He had lost a few friends in combat, a few since he had joined NCIS, and yet this one felt oddly different. He wasn't quite sure, though, whether it was only the fact that he felt guilty about it or because this one had probably sacrificed his own life for Gibbs'.

Suddenly, the world around him became foggy and he found it hard to breathe. He tried to take a deep breath, but had to realize that the much needed oxygen was stuck somewhere on the way to his lungs. He tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his chest, but yet again it was to no avail. His heart had started to beat so hard that he thought it was going to come out his throat and he felt sweaty and shaky all of a sudden. Desperately trying to ignore the anxiety that was slowly creeping up on him, he balled his hands into fists and pressed them against his eyes. Everything was tunneling in on him and once again, he tried to breathe, but somehow he still couldn't – he just couldn't.

But then, there were hands on his wrists, forcefully pulling them away from his eyes before they settled on his neck, warm fingers pressing into his skin, a voice, seemingly from far away, was murmuring soothingly and somehow it managed to calm him down a bit. At least, the air stream didn't seem to be closed anymore. He finally pried open his eyes and there was Ducky sitting next to him in the otherwise deserted waiting room. His fingers were still moving back and forth on his neck, his eyes calm behind his glasses, mirroring focus and understanding. The older man pressed his hands onto Gibbs' shoulders now, easing him forward until his head was between his knees.

If Gibbs hadn't been so frantic to finally get some air into his lungs, he would have been embarrassed, but he simply couldn't bring himself to care. He wasn't quite sure how long they sat like that, Ducky's hands soothing him, but Gibbs' breath and heartbeat were slowly going back to normal. He was still sweaty and his breaths still shaky, but he had somewhat regained his composure as he finally sat back up, scrubbing a hand over his face.

"What happened?" Ducky finally asked, his voice low, his eyes searching for something on Gibbs' face.

Gibbs took a minute or two to answer, not quite in the right frame of mind to actually be coherent. Hell, he didn't even know exactly what had actually happened. It still seemed too unreal to be true. He finally took a deep breath, clearing his foggy mind somewhat before he turned ever so slightly to look at Ducky more closely. The doctor's expression was worried and yet somehow still vaguely wary and it confused Gibbs to no end.

"Don't know," he finally said, his voice gruff, but oddly strangled. "Shot. Bridge. Fell down."

Ducky nodded even though it couldn't have made much sense to him, but he didn't ask, so Gibbs returned to focus on his own breathing because he felt himself choke again at the mere thought of the lifeless body lying on the concrete.

"What did the doctors say?" Ducky's voice cut through his inner turmoil.

"Nothing," Gibbs replied bitterly.

"Nothing?"

"Yeah," he sighed, trying his best to shove down his anger. "Not family, Duck."

"Ah, of course," the older man answered carefully as if he had sensed Gibbs' underlying impatience. "I'll see if I can help with that, my dear Jethro. Let me just ask. I shall be right back."

Gibbs just nodded before he slumped back in his chair, closing his eyes. Immediately, the image of the falling body showed up in front of his inner eye and he groaned, opening his eyes again. He couldn't do this. Not again, not so soon. Warily, he looked around and had the sudden distinct feeling that the walls were coming closer towards him with every moment that passed. He felt panic rise inside of him again. No, he couldn't just sit here any longer with nothing to do. Leroy Jethro Gibbs was not one to wait around for hours, looking for just one word, hell, one expression on the doctor's face. No, he wouldn't do this to himself. He needed to get out of there.

He jumped up from the chair he had been sitting on for the last hour, ignored his knee that was protesting painfully and then single-mindedly walked out of the waiting room and out of the hospital. He had no clue where he was going, but he needed to leave that goddamned place.

And he needed bourbon. Maybe it would help him forget the sinking feeling in his gut whenever his thoughts would reach the look of surprise on his partner's face moments after the bullet had hit him somewhere in his chest. Gibbs could still see him looking down on his own body before he stumbled over his own feet and then, to Gibbs' utter horror, keeled over backwards - and fell.

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_A/N: Had this sitting on my hard drive for ages, but I couldn't bring myself to publish it for some reason until now. _

_But well... let me know whether or not you'd like this continued ;)_


	2. Companions

_A/N: Thanks for all your reviews, alerts and favorites! You guys are awesome. I'm in a hurry right now, so I didn't have time to reply to your comments individually, but I really appreciated every single one of them. Thanks!_

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Chapter Two: Companions

Gibbs sat down at the bar, vaguely aware of the wary look the bartender was giving him. He should have gone home, he knew that, to take a shower, get himself back on track and then drink some bourbon, but as he had been about to unlock his car, he realized that his hands were shaking so violently that he couldn't even do that, let alone drive safely. So there he was now, in a shabby bar a block away from the hospital. There were only a few people there, which wasn't really surprising as it was a Tuesday night. He scrubbed a hand over his face, not quite able to hide the obvious tremor that ran through his body as if he was freezing.

"What can I get you?" the bartender asked him, still eyeing him warily, and for a short moment, Gibbs wondered why that was.

"Bourbon straight," he replied, his voice thankfully its usual gruff self for once.

"Coming right up," the guy said and yet made no move to actually pour the drink as his eyes were fixed on Gibbs' shirt now.

Furrowing a brow, Gibbs followed his glance and then winced ever so slightly as he realized that his shirt was drenched in blood. His heart sank even further now as his thoughts strayed towards the lifeless body on the ground again and his fruitless attempts to stop him from bleeding out. He sighed and then looked up at the bartender, who seemed rather reluctant all of a sudden.

"Relax," Gibbs tried to soothe him or whatever. "That's not my blood."

"Do I need to call the police?"

"I _am _the police," he just replied and searched his pockets until he found his badge. "Satisfied now?"

The guy nodded, but still made no move to actually give him the drink and Gibbs felt the well-known impatience well up in him.

"Mind giving me that drink now? Not really in the mood for waiting."

"Yes, of course, sorry, sir," the bartender stumbled over his own words, apparently slightly taken aback by Gibbs' sharp tone of voice.

He knew he should feel bad about it, but what did it matter anyway? He just wanted a goddamn drink and his quiet in order to get his peace of mind. Not that that was likely to happen, but he could at least try. Bourbon had helped him through rough nights and sometimes even days after all. With a start, he suddenly realized that he hadn't needed it as often as he used to ever since DiNozzo had joined his one man team. The kid had something about him that always seemed to calm him down no matter what. It was kind of odd, Gibbs realized, given the fact that the guy himself was never able to shut up, was never really calm. He knew, of course, that DiNozzo was most likely hiding behind his mindless chatter because Gibbs had gotten a few glimpses behind that mask of the ever joking frat boy, but that didn't mean that he fully understood the guy. He could be obnoxious at times, annoying as hell when he was firing movie reference after movie reference at him, just to be completely serious the next second, deep in thought, whenever he was about to crack a case.

Gibbs sighed and gulped down his bourbon before setting the glass back onto the counter, motioning the bartender for another one. He forcefully tried to redirect his thoughts and looked around the bar, but there wasn't anything that held his interest for too long. He briefly wondered what Ducky thought of him for just bolting like that, but once again, he didn't really care. If there was any news, the ME would call him. That was for sure. So, there hadn't really been a reason for him to stay in that goddamn waiting room any longer, right?

"Rough day?" Gibbs was risen from his thoughts by a guy who had just taken a seat right next to him.

He was older than him, but still in shape and Gibbs immediately knew that the guy had to be in law enforcement, too. He had the calm aura of a man who had seen it all and it somehow made Gibbs a bit less anxious. His eyes were resting on Gibbs' bloody shirt for a moment before he looked up into his face as if daring him to finally start talking.

"Yeah," he finally answered, turning around again to nurse his drink.

"One of yours?" the guy asked and Gibbs sighed as he turned to look at him again.

They man's eyes were once again fixed on his shirt and Gibbs felt himself nod despite himself. He wasn't exactly keen on talking about it. Not that he ever was keen on talking, but definitely not in that particular moment. There was something about this guy, however, that seemed to draw him in. He had no idea what exactly it was - maybe his eyes that spoke volumes of pain and understanding.

"Ah, damn," the guy kept on talking. "Dead?"

Gibbs gave a start at the last word. Until now, he had refused to even think about it because by doing so, the possibility would become real and he wasn't ready to acknowledge that just yet. DiNozzo couldn't be dead, couldn't be dying and Gibbs couldn't be the reason for it. And as long as he had been in his own little world filled with denial, it hadn't been possible. But now that the guy had said it out loud, Gibbs realized that he would maybe have to deal with it after all. He sighed loudly and took another sip before he finally answered, his voice low.

"No... I mean, I don't know."

"Okay," came back the reluctant answer. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No," Gibbs replied.

"Fine. Then we'll just sit here and wait for your phone, that you keep checking every five seconds, to ring."

Gibbs titled his head ever so slightly and realized that the man was serious about it. At the moment, he was looking right back at him, that understanding expression still on his face and Gibbs felt something tug uncomfortably at his insides. He had no idea what it was exactly and he probably didn't want to know either. Sighing, he finally held out his hand and the other man took it after a moment of obvious surprise on his side.

"Jethro," Gibbs introduced himself, even though he had no idea why.

"Sean. Nice to meet you."

"You say that now," Gibbs joked despite himself, earning himself a soft chuckle from the other man.

"Why don't you let me decide that?" he grinned for a moment before he became serious again. "I know how hard it is. You sure you don't want to talk? Sometimes it helps, you know."

"Not exactly a talker."

"Yeah," Sean snorted. "I got that already. But if I've learned one thing about my time with the cops, it was that things will eat you up alive if you keep bottling stuff up."

Gibbs remained silent as he looked at the guy more closely, noting the grim determination on his face. He let out a sigh again, internally debating whether he should just get up and leave or stay there and talk about it. He really didn't want to talk, but he also knew that he had nowhere to go, either. He couldn't just go home like nothing had ever happened and he sure as hell wouldn't go back to the hospital and the lonely waiting room. He couldn't stand it there, couldn't just sit there and wait for the doctors to tell him that it was all too late.

"There's nothing much to tell," he reluctantly started. "Case gone wrong. You might have heard about it anyway. Colin Roswell."

It had been a high profile case after all. Roswell had killed four women over the last two weeks. The last one had just happened to be a young Petty Officer and that was why NCIS had been assigned to the case. It hadn't taken too long for Gibbs and DiNozzo to figure it out that it was 26-year-old Roswell that had murdered them in cold blood. Security cameras had placed his car near all the crime scenes. The two of them had just been about to pick him up at his apartment, when they had heard him flee through the window and into the streets, resulting in a car chase that had led them through half of DC.

"Heard it in the news. You got the bastard, right?" Sean asked now, taking a sip from the beer that the bartender had just placed in front of him.

"Yeah, he's dead," Gibbs replied, a sudden feeling of satisfaction boiling up inside of him and he couldn't bring himself to feel ashamed of it, the guy was the reason that had put him in this goddamn position after all.

"So, what happened?" the older man prodded again, causing Gibbs to sigh as he realized that he wouldn't let it go.

"Well," he started over, scrubbing a hand over his face, desperately trying to suppress the feeling of utter helplessness.

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Flashback

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"_Never been in a car chase before, Boss," DiNozzo told him excitedly as they rushed after the blue Volvo that belonged to Roswell. "Well, one could argue that you're always driving like you're actually in one, but you catch my drift. This is so _Smokey and the Bandit_. It's awesome."_

_Gibbs let out an exasperated sigh even though he was secretly glad the guy was talking to him again after their disagreement only an hour previously. He let the rest of DiNozzo's monologue wash over him without really listening to the guy. After a while, he finally managed to catch up with the bastard in front of them. He quickly checked that there was no one besides themselves on the road and was satisfied as he found the street deserted as they crossed the Anacostia River. He stepped on the gas, chuckling softly as he saw the knuckles on DiNozzo's hand turn white as he grabbed for the handle, and then swerved ever so slightly, crashing into the rear of the Volvo in front of them. The car came to a screeching stop and Gibbs hastened to step on the brakes. DiNozzo grimaced and cursed quietly before he hurried to get out of the car. Gibbs followed suit, gun pointed at the bastard that was still sitting behind the wheel of his Volvo, his hands already in the air. They carefully inched forwards, not taking any risks._

"_Keep your hands where I can see them," Gibbs shouted at Roswell and then nodded at DiNozzo to open the door._

_The younger man gave him an oddly lopsided grin as if this was the kind of thing he had waited for all year long and then reached out his hand to grab the handle. But he never made it all the way because Roswell had decided to take that exact moment to fight back again. He had pushed open the door, hitting DiNozzo's wrist in the course. Gibbs heard him cry out in pain, but he didn't turn to look at him because Roswell, and Gibbs had no idea how he had managed to get a hold of it, was pointing his own gun right at Gibbs' chest. _

"_Easy now, Roswell," Gibbs snarled, hearing his own pulse rush loudly through his ears. "It's two against one. You've got no chance."_

_The perp looked at him with a smirk on his lips and Gibbs felt his gut churn all of a sudden and definitely not in the good way. Out of the corners of his eyes, he saw that DiNozzo, too, had his gun drawn, even though he was holding it in his left hand, which was not really comforting regarding the fact that the guy was right-handed. The crash of his hand with the car door must have been worse than Gibbs had expected, but it wasn't really all that important because Roswell didn't have to know that. He redirected his full attention towards the guy, who was still pointing his gun at him, apparently not willing to give up just yet._

_Roswell snarled now and then quickly glanced at DiNozzo before he suddenly jumped out of his car with a shout and managed to tackle Gibbs, who really hadn't expected it, the ground. He tried to fight him off as they wrestled, but the guy was surprisingly strong and Gibbs had trouble keeping up with him. He had already started to sweat and was slowly getting restless inside as he realized that his often tested Marine skills weren't working on him. He was pinned down onto the street now and only now did he realize that he wasn't holding his gun in his hand anymore. He quickly glanced around and saw it lying under Roswell's car completely out of reach, while the bastard had his own still in his hand. Desperately trying to gain the upper hand again, Gibbs fought back harder as he saw DiNozzo still standing there, his gun pointed at them. He knew that the kid wouldn't dare to try to take a shot, not when they were fighting and moving like that. Briefly, Gibbs wondered why he wasn't at least trying to get Roswell off of him before he noticed that DiNozzo's right arm was hanging uselessly at his side, as if it had been broken._

"_Roswell," he heard DiNozzo shout over his own gasping. "Let go. You got no chance."_

_For a split of a second, the guy above him stilled and Gibbs was just about to take the moment of momentary distraction to reverse their roles when the suspect suddenly and without warning turned his head towards DiNozzo as if he had just noticed him and then, before Gibbs had taken as much as a breath, pointed the gun at the young man. A split of a second later, a shot was to be heard and Gibbs hadn't even blinked before he saw DiNozzo look at him with horror. The young agent's gun dropped to the ground when his hand grabbed at his chest and Gibbs stared at him for a moment longer before he finally managed to take Roswell by surprise and shake him off. Blindly grabbing for DiNozzo's gun and desperately trying not to look at his partner, Gibbs managed to keep the perp at arm's length. Finally, his fingers came in contact with the cold metal and he grabbed it at the same time that Roswell had freed himself from Gibbs grasp and pointed his own gun at him again. But this time, Gibbs didn't lose any time. Like in a haze, he felt himself pull the trigger and a split of a second later Roswell sagged to the ground, blood streaming from his chest, where Gibbs had shot him. _

_Gibbs turned around, sure that the perp was dead, but what he saw next made him wish that he hadn't moved at all. He felt his blood run cold as he looked at DiNozzo, who was staring back at him in wonder before he averted his glance and looked down at his chest as if it he had never seen it before. His white shirt was already drenched in blood and Gibbs knew that he had to act fast now. His pulse was rushing loudly through his ears now as he realized that he failed the kid and he was just about to close the short distance between them as DiNozzo looked up at him again._

"_Gibbs," he pressed out and to Gibbs' horror, there was blood already coming out of his mouth._

_He stopped to stare at the guy for only a moment, trying to get over the shock, but before he had regained his composure, DiNozzo suddenly stumbled over his own feet, even though Gibbs hadn't even noticed that he had tried to move at all. The kid was gripping for the railing of the bridge right behind him with his right hand, but somehow managed to miss it and then, in a moment of pure surprise, he looked at Gibbs with a blank expression on his face before his eyes rolled back into his head. Gibbs had just reached out for him, managing to take hold of the hem of his shirt, as DiNozzo keeled over backwards over the railing – and fell. _

"_Tony!"_

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A/N: Reviews would be really awesome.


	3. Bonded

_A/N: Thanks again for your awesome reviews! :) Hope you like this chapter, too ;)_

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Chapter Three: Bonded

"Shit," Sean cursed quietly next to him, causing Gibbs to somewhat come back into the present.

Gibbs took another sip from his bourbon and then forcefully tried to relax the grip on the glass as he set it down again. The horrified look on DiNozzo's face just wouldn't vanish from his inner eye. The harder he tried to ban it out of his mind, the more frequently it seemed to reappear and he felt himself getting restless again. Gibbs knew that it was his fault. The perp should have never had the chance to attack him like that and Gibbs shouldn't have been caught by surprise like that. Damn it, he knew better than that. Only now did the thought occur to him that they hadn't even bothered to wear bullet-proof vests. Had they been that distracted by their fight that they had been that careless? Or had they thought that it wouldn't come to that? Had thought that they weren't in immediate danger? How in the world had they been that stupid?

His fist hit the surface of the counter now, even though he hadn't been aware that he had felt the need to punch something. A sharp pain erupted in his knuckles, but he didn't care. At least, it showed him that he was still very much alive, while DiNozzo was…  
He didn't finish his thought, instead picked up his glass and downed the liquor in one swig. He felt it burn down his throat and found it oddly soothing for some reason.

"How long have you been working together?" Sean asked now, his tone of voice rather careful and Gibbs couldn't exactly blame him.

He looked at him for a moment and realized that Sean probably meant well, maybe wanted to distract him and he couldn't help but feel thankful and slightly embarrassed. It didn't matter, though. He didn't even know the guy and well, he was there and somehow he had an oddly calming effect on Gibbs. He didn't care to indulge into why that was exactly, so he just sighed before he finally answered.

"About six months."

"Oh," Sean replied, sounding surprised. "The way you talk about him it seemed like much longer."

Gibbs stayed silent for a while, nursing another drink. He hadn't given it too much thought for countless reasons, but he knew that DiNozzo was different to all the other agents he had worked with before. He had never taken a liking in someone that quickly before. Sure, he liked Franks, the guy was his mentor after all, but even with him, it had taken Gibbs a long time to be completely comfortable around him, even though he had trusted him from the start. He liked Jenny and Stan alright, but something was always off between them. He knew that it had probably been his fault because he liked to keep people at a distance, history had taught him that much. But only now did he realize that it hadn't happened with DiNozzo. He had started to like the guy as soon as he had first laid eyes on him, from the moment the guy had shouted something about tube socks and had tackled him to the ground. He had never backed away from Gibbs' glares, had dared to speak up to him from the very beginning and while Gibbs found him annoying at times, obnoxious even, he knew that he could count on the kid no matter what...  
And there he was now, fighting for his life and all because Gibbs hadn't been able to protect him.

"He's different," he finally heard himself answer. "I recruited him myself."

"Your boy, huh?" Sean prodded, his tone of voice still light, but the statement somehow tugged uncomfortably at Gibbs' insides.

"Nah," he shook his head. "I trained him, sure, but he used to be a cop, sees things I overlook sometimes. And he sure as hell doesn't listen to a word I say."

Sean let out a laugh. "I'm sure that's not true. You'd have kicked him out in no time if he did."

"Yeah," Gibbs replied, wondering why the guy was able to read him that well, when others would probably have to spend a lifetime with him to even catch a glimpse of the real Leroy Jethro Gibbs. "You're a cop, right?" he finally continued to talk, keen on keeping the topic of the conversation away from himself.

"Used to be," Sean answered, his eyes glistening ever so slightly. "Took a bullet to my knee three years ago, so I had to retire."

"Sorry to hear that," Gibbs said and meant it, too.

"Yeah, well," the guy just replied, seemingly not the least sad about it. "Did what I had to do. Saved my partner's life. Haven't regretted it for one second."

Gibbs nodded and wished he had done the same for DiNozzo only a few hours previously. Had there really been no chance to safe the guy? Or at least to keep him from falling off that damn bridge? Gibbs scrubbed a tired hand over his face, instantly regretting it as the stale scent of dried blood filled his nostrils and he only remembered now that he was still bloody all over.

"Hey," Sean rather sharp voice brought him back into the bar. "It's not your fault."

"How d'you know? You weren't there," Gibbs replied just as sharply, suddenly fed up with the guy's ability to see right through him.

"You're right, I wasn't. But I'm sure you wouldn't let anything happen to any of your people if you can help it."

"How d'you figure that? How d'you know that I'm not a selfish asshole?"

"If you were, you wouldn't be here now, would you? You'd have gone home, showered, gotten laid, whatever it is that you do to find your peace of mind. But you're not. You're still here, quite obviously upset."

"I'm not upset," Gibbs retorted, desperately trying to keep at least some of his remaining dignity.

"Sure, you're not," came back the immediate and sarcastic reply.

He had already opened his mouth to make sure the guy understood that he wouldn't let him talk to him like that, but fell silent under his glare. He sighed instead and realized that it wasn't Sean's fault and that Gibbs had no reason to be mad at him because well, the guy was right after all. They sat in silence for a long while and Gibbs took the time to look at his cell phone again, but there were still no new messages. He wasn't sure whether or not it was a bad sign that Ducky hadn't called, yet. How long could it possibly take to get some information from the doctors? And hadn't the ME told him that he would be right back? But then again, Gibbs had been the one who had left the hospital without a word, had run away like a goddamn coward.

He raised his hand and signaled the bartender that he wanted another bourbon, but the guy just shook his head and instead poured him a glass of water. Gibbs took it without a word. He didn't even know why he wasn't outraged about it or anything, but all energy suddenly seemed to have drained from his body and he just simply didn't have the will to complain about it. It wasn't like the bourbon had done anything to help him forget, so he might as well drink the goddamn water.

"Tell me about him," Sean coaxed after a while of almost overwhelming silence.

"Tony?" Gibbs asked, staring at the glass in his hand. "What do you want to know?"

"Don't know," came back the gruff answer and Gibbs, despite himself, let out a short laugh. "Anything. He good for your team?"

"The best," Gibbs said without thinking. "It's just the two of us right now and he can be infuriating at times, just to be serious as a heart attack the next second, but he's always been there, you know."

"That's what partners are for," Sean gave him a small smile, quite obviously thinking about his former partner. "Infuriating and serious? Like how?" he finally added as Gibbs stayed quiet once again.

He snorted and shook his head, glancing at the cell phone again and noting that it was already after midnight.

"Don't know… like when he first started working for me, he swung by my house one day…"

.

Flashback

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"_Gibbs? You home?"_

_He sighed and stopped sanding the wood of his boat, running a hand over his forehead before he slowly made his way up the stairs. His new agent hadn't been at his house before and Gibbs was slightly startled that he hadn't bothered to ring the bell before he came in, but maybe Ducky or Abby had tipped him off. Ducky, probably, because for some reason, the Goth didn't seem to like DiNozzo all that much. Gibbs had no clue what exactly her problem with the young man was, but he knew better than to interfere. Abby probably had her reasons and it wasn't like DiNozzo couldn't go talk to her if he was bothered by her behavior._

"_What are you doing here?" he asked without saying hello as he stepped into his kitchen, where DiNozzo stood, looking rather lost for a second before he composed his features._

"_You up for some team-bonding, Gibbs?" DiNozzo asked cheerfully, a bright smile on his lips, but Gibbs had a vague feeling in his gut that the kid was hiding something. He let it slide for the time being however._

"_Team-bonding, really? Got nothing better to do than coming to my house on a Saturday afternoon?"_

_DiNozzo just shrugged and grinned at him, though Gibbs could have sworn that a shadow had ghosted over his face for a split of a second. He looked at the younger man for few moments longer, but he had the cheerful expression firmly in place and Gibbs mentally shrugged._

"_Not really," DiNozzo answered._

"_Who canceled, then?"_

_The younger man let out a laugh as he shook his head. "Well, Wendy was supposed to move in with me this weekend, but the school called that they were one teacher short for their trip to New York and she had to fill in, so we, uh, postponed it 'til after we're married, you know. I mean it's only two more weeks, so…"_

_Gibbs remained silent, silently wondering why DiNozzo almost forcefully kept on grinning at him as if to demonstrate just how okay he was with this. He could feel his gut starting to churn, but before he could say anything, DiNozzo beat him to it._

"_Anyway. I'm here now, right?" he kept on grinning at him. "And I mean I know you're probably not thrilled to see me on your weekend off, but I promise I'll make my stay here worthwhile."_

"_Ya think?" Gibbs asked gruffly, but couldn't help the slight smirk on his lips as DiNozzo nodded vigorously._

"_Definitely, Boss. Got a great movie here with me," he held up a DVD case of a movie starring John Wayne. "And don't say you won't like it. You've got at least one of those precious rules of yours from the Duke and you quoted the flick to me at least once."_

"_DiNozzo," Gibbs started, trying to make him understand that he wasn't exactly crazy about watching a movie in the middle of the afternoon with his new agent, who was apparently on some kind of sugar rush._

"_Don't DiNozzo me, Boss," the kid grinned. "You know you want to. And I don't see a hot date around here, either. So, you might as well keep me company. I already ordered pizza, your favorite, too. Sausage and extra cheese."_

"_That's your favorite," Gibbs retorted without thinking, causing DiNozzo to give him a real smile for the first time today._

"_You remembered," he replied and then led the way into the living room as if he was at home before he looked around for a moment. "Really, Gibbs? You don't even have a DVD player?"_

"_Nope," Gibbs just said as he sat down on the couch, smirking at DiNozzo for a short moment, knowing that it would defer the man's plans._

"_Good thing I always think ahead," he answered and then retrieved a bag from behind the couch, causing Gibbs in return to wonder just how long the guy had been there before he had come upstairs._

_He pulled out, what Gibbs assumed was, the player and then made quick work hooking it up. Then, he settled down next to him, fumbling with the remote until the movie started to play. Gibbs let out a sigh as the western started, but said nothing. It wasn't exactly like he had pictured his Saturday, but he had to admit that it wasn't all that bad, either. The younger man seemed to feel comfortable just watching the movie and Gibbs certainly could do that. But there was still something bugging him about it. He couldn't quite put a finger on it, but something seemed to be wrong with the guy. His mask of the ever joking class clown had slipped twice already and even though Gibbs was sure that no one else would have noticed it, he had and it bothered him somewhat. He knew that the kid was just as stubborn as he was when it came to the more personal stuff, but he still felt a little bit warmer inside as he realized that DiNozzo had sought him out to spend the afternoon with, instead of some of his friends._

_Half an hour later, the doorbell rang and Gibbs stood up, grabbing his wallet in order to pay for the pizza at the same time that DiNozzo's cell started to ring. Out of the corners of his eyes, Gibbs was just able to decipher Wendy's name on the phone before he turned around, leaving the living room to give the guy a little privacy. It was only when he realized that while the kid had done nothing but talk about her for the first couple of weeks he had been working with him, her name was mentioned far less frequently for some reason now. First he had figured that DiNozzo had just realized that Gibbs wasn't exactly keen about hearing about his love life, but it was still kind of odd, regarding the fact that he would tell him about everything anyhow, regardless if Gibbs was even pretending to listen._

_Subtly shaking his head, he took the pizza from the delivery boy and handed him the money before he slowly made his way back into the living room, just in time to hear the end of Tony's conversation with Wendy._

"_Okay," DiNozzo all but whispered. "Just call me when you know, okay?"_

_Gibbs stopped as he heard the soft pleading in the other man's voice. He didn't mean to eavesdrop, but something about the way that DiNozzo was almost begging made him listen anyway._

"_Okay," DiNozzo repeated himself after he had listened for a while. "Can't right now, though. I'm not at home… No, bossman's house… because I can, Wendy… well, at least he usually tells me to get lost when he doesn't want to see me anymore."_

_The last words were spoken rather harshly now and Gibbs winced ever so slightly as he saw his earlier suspicions, that something might not be exactly right between the two of them, confirmed._

"_Uh-huh," DiNozzo just said before he said a surprisingly soft goodbye and hung up._

_Gibbs stood there for a moment and watched DiNozzo shake himself before he moved to sit down next to him._

"_Everything alright?" he finally asked, not sure why he was actually worrying about the younger man all of a sudden, this wasn't like him after all._

"_No, I mean… yeah, it will be," DiNozzo answered reluctantly as he reached for a slice of pizza, giving him that goddamn grin again. "Nothing to worry about, really."_

"_If you say so," Gibbs replied, averting his eyes from the kid to look at the TV instead. _

_They stayed silent for the rest of the movie and even though Gibbs knew that something was gnawing away at DiNozzo, he didn't ask, knowing only too well that no one could be pushed into talking. The kid's silence had started to unnerve him, however, as he wasn't used to him being so freaking quiet for such a long time. As soon as the credits rolled, DiNozzo stood up from the couch, unplugged his DVD player and put it back into his bag before he stood still for a moment, his glance fixed on his shoes as he finally said something again._

"_Well, I guess I'll get going then. Thanks for the pizza… and the movie."_

"_Okay," Gibbs just replied and stood up, too, following the younger man towards the front door. Just as he was about to close it behind him, he stopped himself and cleared his throat, causing DiNozzo to turn around and look at him. "We can do it again," Gibbs started, having no clue what exactly he was doing. "You know, watch a movie… or talk."_

_He fixed DiNozzo with a glare and saw him gulp, but the kid nodded nevertheless, smiling at him ever so slightly, even if it was a little sheepish as if he had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar._

"_Thanks, Boss," he just said solemnly before he turned around again and all but ran towards his car._


	4. Unable

_A/N: Okay, not all that many reviews for the last chapter. Let me know what was wrong with it xD Anyway, thanks to those who reviewed! :) You guys made my day. Hope you like this one better ;)_

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Chapter Four: Unable

"He ever took you up on that offer?" Sean asked after a while, probably just to keep him distracted again.

"To talk?" Gibbs grinned ever so slightly. "The kid doesn't do anything but talk. But when it comes to the stuff that's really important…"

He trailed off now, realizing that his thoughts had reached the night before and he really didn't need to discuss that with a stranger. It was bad enough that DiNozzo had put him in that kind of position in the first place, no use going on about it now. He sighed again and then almost jumped when the cell in his jeans pocket started to buzz. Taking a deep breath before looking at the caller ID, he felt his heart sink and his excitement deflate somewhat as he realized that it wasn't Ducky but Abby who was calling.

"Gibbs."

"Where are you?" Abby's voice came through the receiver, but it seemed oddly subdued. "First I get that call from Ducky that something has happened to Tony and that I should come to the hospital asap and now nobody's here."

"Ducky should be there, Abs," Gibbs tried to soothe her somewhat as he could almost see her pacing through the waiting room just like he had done a few hours previously. "He's probably just talking to the doctors. I'm sure he'll be right out."

Gibbs glanced at the clock that was hanging on a wall behind the bartender and the uneasy feeling from before came crushing down on him again as he realized that he had already been at the bar for one and a half hour. Shouldn't Ducky have at least some news by now? How hard could it be to get a hold of one of the doctors for heaven's sake?

"Okay," Abby sounded a little calmer now, if only barely so. "And where are you? Why are you not here, Gibbs? Oh, no… you're not hurt, too, are you? Did the guy get you, too?"

"I'm fine," Gibbs stopped her frenzied rambling as he scrubbed his free hand over his face, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse for not being there.

"Oh, thank god," he heard Abby sigh. "'Cause I totally can't deal with the two of you injured at the same time. One of you is bad enough."

Gibbs furrowed a brow, wondering where the sudden devastation with DiNozzo's situation was coming from. Granted, he knew that Abby cared a lot about anyone, was one of the kindest persons he had ever met, but judging from her behavior towards the young man in those last six months, she didn't like him one bit.

He hadn't realized that he had gone silent while he had been thinking about Abby and Tony's relationship, but the Goth brought him back into the present, back to their phone call.

"Gibbs, you still there? And where exactly is there? Why are you not here, waiting to hear a word from Tony?"

"I…," he started, still at a loss for words as he chanced a look at Sean who was watching him rather disgruntled all of a sudden. Quickly looking away from him, he tried to gather his thoughts again. "It doesn't matter, Abs. You're there and Duck's there."

Gibbs knew he sounded tired and beat all of a sudden, but he simply didn't have the energy anymore to keep up the pretense of the infallible boss. He heard Abby take a deep breath on the other end and wondered if she would call him up on it.

"Gibbs," she finally replied, though the tone of her voice was changed now, as if she was trying to soothe him and not the other way around. "I'm sure he'd want you here."

"How d'you know?" he retorted sharper than he had intended. "You don't even like the guy."

Once again, Abby remained silent and Gibbs realized that he was carrying out his frustration, his desperation, on her, even though he really had no reason for it. He had just opened his mouth to continue, making sure that he hadn't hurt her as she beat him to talking.

"I like him, Gibbs," she said, her voice calm and determined. "In fact, I like him a lot. And I also know that he'll be devastated if you're not there when he wakes up."

"Not when," he answered quietly, feeling his heart sink ever farther down. "If, Abs, if he wakes up."

"Don't say that," she cut him off, her voice back to the frantic tone from the beginning of their conversation. "I'm sure he'll be alright. Tell me, he'll be alright, Gibbs. Please."

"I can't, Abby. You weren't there… he just…" he broke off now, knowing that he shouldn't - couldn't - tell her.

"Can you come here at least?" she pleaded now and he knew that if he were in the same room with her, he would have no chance to say no because her big round puppy eyes always got her what she wanted, but she wasn't there, so it was fractionally easier to answer now.

"I can't. I can't be there right now."

"Why not?"

"You didn't see him. He… I… I can't just sit there and wait. I just can't."

"Okay," Abby replied, her voice soft all of a sudden as if she actually understood what he wanted to tell her. "If you change your mind, I'm in the waiting room. I'll call as soon as I know anything."

"You do that, Abs," he just replied before he hung up, unable to keep on talking to her for only a second longer.

He hadn't lied. He really couldn't wait with her. He couldn't try to soothe her, tell her that everything would be alright. I couldn't do that because he didn't believe it himself… because no one could come back from _that_.

.

Flashback

.

"_Tony!" Gibbs shouted as if it would bring the guy back onto the bridge._

_He ran the last few remaining steps towards the railing, already prepared to jump after him into the cold water beneath when he heard a sound so sickening that he once again stopped dead in his tracks. This hadn't been the sound of a body diving into the water, but one of a collision of flesh and something concrete. Gibbs finally got moving again and leaned over the railing to see where exactly DiNozzo had landed and his stomach turned. The young man was lying about six feet below the bridge, his left hand just dipped into the river next to him, while the rest of his body had landed on the concrete riverbank._

_Reaching for his cell, Gibbs started to run towards his agent and called 911. As he finally reached him, he felt his heart, that had beaten much faster ever since Roswell had started to fight him, suddenly skip a beat or two at the sight before him. He reached for DiNozzo wrist, letting out a relieved sigh as he felt a faint pulse. Careful not to move him, he kneeled down next to the younger man and was slightly startled when he let out a soft groan._

"_Tony?" Gibbs asked loudly and if only to drown out his pulse that was rushing very loudly through his ears. "Tony, can you hear me?"_

"_Yeah," came back the feeble answer that made Gibbs' gut start to churn again because DiNozzo was never that quiet._

"_Stay with me, alright?" Gibbs almost pleaded as the other man's eyes started to close. "Come on, look at me, everything will be alright, okay?"_

_DiNozzo's eyes snapped open again, but not really focusing on him now and Gibbs internally counted the seconds that had passed since he had called the ambulance. Shouldn't it be here by now? What the hell was taking them so long? DiNozzo let out a wheezy breath and Gibbs pressed his hands to the gunshot wound, even though he was terrified of moving the guy too much and hurt him even further. But there was blood everywhere, streaming down his fingers, soaking his shirt, that Gibbs was certain that DiNozzo had to bleeding to death._

"_Gibbs," his agent tried to speak again even though it must have hurt to even take a breath._

"_Shhh," he cut him off. "Don't speak, okay? I know it's a new concept for you, but just stay with me. You can do this. Just hold on. The ambulance will be here any second now, okay?"_

_The corners of DiNozzo's mouth twitched for the tiniest fraction of a second before he let out another wheezy breath and Gibbs was certain that the blood was running through his hands even faster now._

"_I… 'm," the younger man pressed out, his eyes finally locking into Gibbs' again and for the first time, the older man noticed just how bright those green orbs were. "Sor… ry. I…"_

"_Shhh," Gibbs repeated himself. "It's okay. Just stay awake for me."_

_DiNozzo nodded weakly and closed his eyes again, his breathing slowing down all of a sudden. Gibbs, in return, took a deep breath before his hands came to the younger man's face, urging him to open his eyes and after a few moments of silent panic on Gibbs' side, he finally pried them open again, though they were as unfocused as ever._

"_Just keep on looking at me," Gibbs pleaded, not caring that he sounded weak. "Promise me not to go anywhere, you hear me? I'm right here and you sure as hell are going to stay here, too. You got that, Tony?"_

_Once again, he nodded weakly and Gibbs attempted to smile at him, desperate to obtain the eye contact. He couldn't lose it now, not when the ambulance couldn't be far away anymore, not when the kid's life depended on him like that. He pressed his hands onto the wound again, his eyes never leaving DiNozzo's as if it would insure that the guy would survive like this. Internally, Gibbs counted the seconds, feebly remembering a statistic which claimed that an ambulance only needed about ten minutes to arrive at any given time. But it felt like so much longer. It had to be longer than ten minutes since he had come down here and had found his agent somewhat conscious due to some kind of miracle._

_Just as he had thought about it, DiNozzo's eyes fell shut again and to Gibbs' utter horror, his breathing died away right under his hands. He stared at his unmoving chest, blinked once and twice, while all the while, the blood was dripping from his hands, ran through his fingers and he just couldn't do anything about it. From a far distance he heard the sirens blare, but he couldn't divert his glance from DiNozzo's lifeless face, lifeless body._

"_Tony," he pleaded. "Don't do this to me, come on, wake up. Please."_

.

Flashback

.

"Hey," Sean's voice cut through his train of thought, making him jump ever so slightly before he turned to look at the guy, whose previous disgruntled expression had changed to vaguely worried again.

"What?" Gibbs retorted, not even knowing whether he was feeling angry, lost, devastated or confused – maybe all of the above.

"Maybe it's not that bad, huh? Maybe he'll get through this."

"No," Gibbs replied quietly, not trusting his own voice anymore. "The ambulance took too damn long. The kid practically died in my arms. And I couldn't even tell him…"

Gibbs trailed off again, forcefully scrubbing a hand over his face again as he felt his eyes suddenly start to sting. He knew that DiNozzo was strong and healthy, but Gibbs had seen too many people die, had lost too many of them, not to know that he wouldn't make it.

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_A/N: Thoughts? Complaints? Reviews would be great ;)  
_


	5. Clearing

_A/N: Thanks for your reviews!_

* * *

Chapter Five: Clearing

Once again they sat in silence for a very long time, with Gibbs absent-mindedly sipping from his water. He could feel Sean's eyes on him, but he couldn't bring himself to look at him. It wasn't like he owed the guy anything, he knew that, but that didn't stop the guilty conscience from creeping up on him. But he had told the other man too much already and he feared that if he would say just one more thing to him, Sean would be able to see through him completely, would see what Gibbs had tried to hide from everyone and even from himself. So he just kept on sitting there, staring at the glass of water in his hands, waiting for something to happen – for Sean to speak, for his cell to ring, for just anything. But nothing happened for a very long time and it was unnerving. He let out a sigh again, wondering just how much Abby hated him at the moment for not being there, for not comforting her, for not waiting. But waiting, he did. Just not with her, not with Ducky, but with a complete stranger. He preferred it that way because once this sheer endless night was finally over, he'd never have to see the guy again, would never have to justify his drinking, his mood, his everything and the thought of that was oddly comforting for some reason.

"Was that the wife?" Sean finally interrupted his brooding, startling Gibbs ever so slightly.

"Who?" he asked, not exactly able to follow the guy's train of thought.

"The woman who just called?" he coaxed. "Was that Tony's wife?"

"Oh," Gibbs let out. "No, that was our forensic scientist."

"You seemed to be pretty close."

"We are," Gibbs replied without thinking before he fell silent again, wondering why he hadn't let DiNozzo come just as close as he and Abby were.

"That's good. In our line of work, it's important to keep your friends close."

"Hmm."

"You did tell Tony's wife, right?" Sean continued, a stern look suddenly on his face. "You didn't leave her out of the loop, did you?"

Gibbs let out a bark of a laugh, remembering the first and last time he had ever laid eyes on Wendy. She had seemed nice enough, good looking, too, but something had simply felt off about her, the way she would look at DiNozzo, the way she had kept her safe distance from him whenever she thought nobody was watching.

"You really think I'd do that?" he asked, shaking his head before he continued. "He never married her," he offered, not really sure whether or not he should share details about DiNozzo's love life like that, but then again, it wasn't like he would ever know.

"What happened?"

There was that light tone of voice and Gibbs realized that Sean once again wanted him to keep on talking, probably to distract him somewhat and he did him the favor, knowing that maybe this way, time would actually go by faster.

"I don't even know, really."

.

Flashback

.

_Outside, the weather was horrible as a storm was blowing over the city, bringing rain with it. It was a perfect opportunity for Gibbs to give his boat the finishing touches. Not that he wouldn't have done it regardless of the weather, but it still gave him his peace of mind. It was late on a Saturday evening and Gibbs was just smoothing down a graceful arch and took a sip from his bourbon as he heard rather hesitant footsteps coming down the stairs into his basement. He glanced up for a moment to see DiNozzo standing there, a six pack of beer dangling from his hand. He had a faint smile on his lips, but Gibbs wasn't fooled. Ever since Wendy had broken things up with him the day before their wedding, the young man hadn't been himself. Sure, he was still quoting movies like there was no tomorrow, was still talking a mile a minute about god-knows-what and his work ethic hadn't suffered, either, but he had been acting like a light version of the original. He had been distant, subdued and while Gibbs did enjoy the silence from time to time, he didn't enjoy it when DiNozzo was right there. It just didn't feel right, though Gibbs would never admit that out loud. But he wanted the real DiNozzo back, wanted to head slap him on a regular basis, wanted to see his exceptional observation skills in practice – he just wanted to have his partner back._

"_Hey Boss," DiNozzo finally said as he had already sat down on the last step and had opened a bottle._

_Gibbs just nodded at him and then went to pour himself another glass of bourbon, wondering why DiNozzo would show up on a Saturday night._

"_Looks good," DiNozzo continued after a short while. "The boat, I mean. You're just about to be done with it, right?"_

"_Yeah," Gibbs just said, picking up the sander again._

"_When are you going to sail it?"_

"_Her. A boat's always a she, DiNozzo," Gibbs provided. "And I'm not sure, yet."_

_This way it wasn't exactly a lie. He would never sail on her, he knew that for certain. He had started building the boat when he was still a newlywed and there was no way in hell, he'd ever be able to enjoy only one second on it without having to think about Stephanie and he really didn't want to do that. But that was stuff that DiNozzo had no need to know._

"_How are you going to get her out of the basement?" the younger man asked, curiously looking around the space as if a secret trap door would materialize out of thin air all of a sudden._

_Gibbs smirked at him ever so slightly, not willing to give away his secret. Even Abby with her puppy eyes hadn't been successful in tormenting him about it and he wouldn't give in now. So he remained silent and stopped sanding for a moment to take another sip._

"_Why are you here, DiNozzo?" he finally tried to change the topic, knowing that the sooner the guy would start to talk, the sooner he'd be out of there._

"_Don't even know," the younger man answered hesitantly, furrowing a brow. "Guess I just needed someone to talk to. Though, I guess, coming to your place probably hasn't been the smartest move. You being a functional mute and stuff."_

_Gibbs felt one side of his lips twitch dangerously as if it wanted him to smile, but he composed his features before he fixed DiNozzo with a mild glare._

"_You're here now."_

"_That I am," DiNozzo grinned, but it faded far too soon from his lips as he took a sip from his beer. "God, I'm such a failure."_

_Gibbs turned towards him, the intensity of his glare doubling as he looked at the hunched shoulders and the slightly shaky hands._

"_Don't pretend I'm not," DiNozzo continued as if he hadn't noticed Gibbs' reaction. "Half a year ago, I had everything. A great job, a partner I trusted with my life and a fiancée. And what now? Wendy left me a day before our freaking wedding, I never saw that Danny's a dirty cop, I suck at my current job and I'm still wondering why you're keeping up with me."_

_Gibbs remained silent as he stared at the younger man, who currently looked so defeated, waiting for the final blow, that Gibbs found it hard to find the right words. He didn't know where the thought that DiNozzo was a failure was coming from exactly and remorse made itself perceivable somewhere inside of him as he wondered whether he had been too brutal with the guy at times. But it had been exactly the way Mike Franks had always treated him and he had turned out alright, hadn't he? Trying to buy himself more time, Gibbs scrubbed a hand over his face before he picked up his glass of bourbon and looked at DiNozzo again._

"_I'm keeping up with you because you're good," he finally said, realizing that it was probably not enough._

_DiNozzo looked up at him and smiled at him for a moment or two before his expression darkened again. He picked at the label of his beer bottle, seemingly lost in thought before Gibbs heard him sigh. He wanted to tell him that everything would be alright eventually, people had returned from even harder blows, but he had never been good with words, so he remained silent as he continued to look at the younger man, waiting for him to start talking again._

"_Guess I just wasn't enough for her. Couldn't offer her the good life, couldn't offer her anything."_

_Gibbs winced internally as he realized that his latest ex-wife had said the exact same thing to him when she had packed her things and had moved out. She had been right about him, he wasn't really in this marriage with her, had just searched for a substitute of what he once had. Stephanie never could replace the hole in his heart, though, and it wasn't even her fault. Gibbs, however, had learned that he had to stop searching for a replacement. They never worked and he had given up on the thought of a happily ever after in the end. He was just fine on his own, didn't need anybody else to be content._

_But DiNozzo's words didn't sound true to him now. He had seen the guy, had seen how happy he had been whenever he had told him about the wedding, whenever he had been talking about Wendy. Gibbs was sure that he would have done anything for the girl. Even when their relationship had slowly started to fall apart, Gibbs had still been able to see the willingness - the desperation even - in the younger man's eyes to fix it._

"_She doesn't know what she's missing," he heard himself say, even though he had no idea where that had come from._

_DiNozzo looked up from his bottle of beer, a soft smile tugging at his lips and Gibbs realized with a start that that smile was probably the first real one he had seen on the guy's face. He had caught glimpses of that 1000 Mega-Watt smile a lot of times, but it never quite seemed to reach his eyes. This one did, though. It was fading fast, however, and before Gibbs could dwell on the thought, it was gone again as DiNozzo continued, barely above a whisper._

"_Want to know what she told me, why it wouldn't work? Told me that she misses the real me ever since I started working for you. And I don't even know what that's supposed to mean. I'm still the same guy, just living in a different city. It's not like I suddenly became the Grinch or something. I just don't get it, you know. Maybe I should have just stayed in Baltimore and make it easier for everyone."_

"_Could you have stayed, DiNozzo, after everything that has happened?" Gibbs asked quietly, still staring at his agent's sad face._

"_No," came back the equally quiet answer. "I guess not."_

"_Did you want to?" Gibbs coaxed and he had no idea why his heart had suddenly started to beat a bit faster than before as he waited for the younger man's answer._

_DiNozzo shifted ever so slightly, took a sip from his beer before he looked up at him again. Their eyes locked for a moment and that didn't exactly help steadying Gibbs' frantic heart beat. After a little while, DiNozzo averted his glance, though, and subtly shook his head as if to get rid of his own thoughts._

"_No," he finally answered. "I don't want to see Danny ever again. And I like it here, too, you know. A lot actually. I know I'm an idiot sometimes, but you'd tell me if I was worthless, right?"_

"_Not worthless, DiNozzo. Wouldn't keep you around if you were. Already told you that you're good."_

"_And you don't waste good," the younger man quoted Gibbs' rule number five. "So I guess, maybe what I had with Wendy just wasn't enough? Just wasn't good enough to be… you know… it?"_

"_Maybe," Gibbs replied. "But I'm hardly one to talk," he added, his glance briefly flickering towards the tan line on his finger from his wedding band that hadn't completely vanished yet._

_DiNozzo let out a laugh as he shook his head and Gibbs suddenly felt more comfortable around the guy. He was smiling again and Gibbs wondered if their talk had actually helped him work through his issues. It was a novel concept for Gibbs for sure, as his various ex-wives had always claimed that he had refused to talk to them. Internally shrugging, he finally picked up the sander again and continued to smooth down the surface of his boat. _

_DiNozzo stayed for a couple of hours, nursing his beers, occasionally asking a question about the boat, work or any random thing that would pop into his mind, not caring that he hardly even got answers out of the older man. Gibbs, however, found himself enjoying the time with the younger man because he simply liked the companionship._

.

Flashback

.

Gibbs was startled out of his thoughts about that Saturday night as his cell phone started to buzz again. As he looked at the caller ID, his heart started to beat furiously. So this was it. He'd know in a few seconds and he wasn't ready for it yet. But he knew he had to answer it. He just had to.

"Duck," he said. "What do you got?"

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_A/N: Another chapter is soon to follow, don't worry xD Reviews would be great! :)_


	6. Mistaken

_A/N: Thanks again for all your reviews! :) You are awesome.  
On another note, I don't know why the rating was changed to M a couple of days ago. It wasn't my intention to do that, lol. Sorry for the mix-up ;)_

* * *

Chapter Six: Mistaken

"Jethro," came Ducky's tired voice through the receiver and Gibbs felt his stomach turn. He couldn't deal with it, he wasn't ready yet to hear the news that DiNozzo had died because of him.

"All I can say is," Ducky continued after a short pause as if he had sensed Gibbs' inner turmoil, "that the surgery was successful and that Anthony is stable for the time being."

Gibbs let out a breath he hadn't even known he had been holding. All the tension that had clutched his whole body in an iron grip for the last couple of hours suddenly left his body and he crumbled down on his chair. He had no idea how DiNozzo had managed to survive all of that, a gunshot to the chest and falling from a freaking bridge, but frankly, Gibbs just didn't care. All that mattered was that the kid was breathing now and hadn't died in his arms a couple of hours previously.

"Jethro, are you still there?" Duck's voice startled him ever so slightly and only now did he realize that he hadn't said anything.

"Yeah," he replied and his voice was oddly enough shaky all of a sudden. "He awake?"

"I'm sorry to disappoint," the ME sighed. "The doctors have decided to put him in an artificial coma for the time being to make sure he actually is over the worst."

Gibbs nodded even though Ducky couldn't see him, of course. He tried to determine a time when he had last felt that relieved, but wasn't able to come up with anything. He knew that DiNozzo still wasn't out of the woods, but he just couldn't help feeling that way. For the moment the kid was okay and that was really all that mattered to Gibbs in that very second.

"Okay," he finally answered, trying to get his furiously beating heart under control as he took a deep breath. "Thanks for calling, Duck."

"Where are you, Jethro?" the doctor inquired now, sounding just a tad furious.

"Doesn't matter," Gibbs slowly answered, not willing to share the information as he was sure that Ducky wouldn't approve.

"But you are coming over eventually, aren't you? I'm sure Young Anthony would want you here."

Gibbs was about to deny it because he was pretty sure that he was the last person DiNozzo would want to see when he woke up. But he refrained, knowing that Ducky would ask and he wasn't particular in the mood to reveal his secrets to just anyone. So instead he sighed loudly and answered.

"Sure, Ducky. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Very well my dear Jethro. Abigail and I will be here."

Gibbs hung up the phone and then all but threw it onto the counter. His heart beat had finally slowed down a bit and the relief was almost tangible. He wasn't quite sure how long he just sat there, staring at his hands, just breathing and concentrating on getting air in and out of his lungs. There was a chance that DiNozzo would make it out alive. He had no clue what the odds of that actually happening were, but as long there was the tiniest chance that he would wake up, Gibbs would be able to breathe a little more freely.

"He gonna be alright?" Sean finally asked, startling him ever so slightly.

"Maybe," Gibbs turned towards him and saw the other man smile at him, causing some of the remaining tension in his body to vanish.

"You're going to head over to the hospital, then?"

"Yeah," Gibbs answered and yet made no move to actually get up.

He just kept on staring at his hands that were still shaking ever so slightly, trying to pluck up his courage to go back into the hospital. But somehow he just couldn't. Sean must have sensed his discomfort somehow because he started to talk a little while later, his voice strangely low all of a sudden.

"Then why are you still sitting here?"

"Not sure I can stand to look at him like that."

Sean remained silent for a moment or two and Gibbs chanced a glance at him. The guy had furrowed his brow, looking at him speculatively.

"You must've seen many people die in combat, right?"

"How d'you know I…?"

"Marine haircut kind of gave you away," Sean grinned ever so slightly before he became serious again. "Why is this so hard on you?"

Gibbs stared at him, once again wondering why in the world he had started to talk to the guy in the first place. It was none of his damn business and yet as if on their own accord, the words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop it.

"We had this… huge fight just yesterday. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to see me."

"What happened?"

Gibbs stared at him for a moment and was about to tell him that he wouldn't talk about it, but then decided it didn't matter anymore. It wasn't like he had any dignity left to lose and telling him would furthermore buy him some time before he'd actually have to go back to the hospital and face his agent.

"Well," he started.

.

Flashback

.

_Gibbs was sitting on his couch, staring at the box that was sitting on the coffee table right in front of him. He wasn't quite sure whether he was drunk enough already to actually be able to look at the photographs and drawings that were in there. He had been doing it every year on the anniversary of his girls' deaths, though, to the utter dismay of his ex-wives, too, and yet something held him back this year. It wasn't work, he knew that and it wasn't the fact that he didn't want to look at them because he really wanted to. But there was this certain feeling in his gut that he had forgotten about something, but he simply couldn't put his finger on what it was exactly. Sighing and ignoring the bad vibe from his gut, he opened the box and retrieved a framed photograph that once used to sit on the mantelpiece in his living room. He looked at the picture that showed himself, Shannon and Kelly sit in front of the mantle. It had been the Christmas before they were killed and even though they all were smiling happily into the camera, Gibbs always got sad when he took a look at it. It was the last photograph that had been taken of them all together. It was all that Gibbs had left of them and yet he couldn't bring himself to look at it on a daily basis. The hurt had never faded away from him and probably never would. He had thought that after all those years, it would have gotten better, but he hadn't noticed any change. Gibbs furrowed a brow as he let his thumb run over Kelly's face on the picture. Actually, it wasn't entirely true. With Stephanie moving out and the realization that no woman could ever replace Shannon, he had finally been able to breathe a bit more freely. He wondered when exactly that had happened without him even noticing. DiNozzo's smiling face suddenly came into his mind and Gibbs gave a start at that, wondering if he had had enough to drink after all. Granted, the kid had probably done him good, not just at work, but also in the ways he made him laugh more often, made him less grumpy from time to time. Maybe that was it, though. He had learned to depend on somebody again, trusted DiNozzo with his life and had watched the younger man in return grow even more confident and comfortable around him. Sighing and discarding the thought for the moment, he pulled out a couple of other photographs now and spread them out on the table in front of him. He looked at them for a while, grinning at the one where Kelly was dressed up as a princess for Halloween and smiled at his and Shannon's wedding picture._

_He was so lost in those pictures that he actually jumped when he heard his front door open. Quickly scrambling up the photos and Kelly's drawings, he put them back into the box just in time with DiNozzo entering his living room. He was dripping wet from the rain outside, a duffel bag dangling from one hand, a six pack of beers from the other. He smiled rather apologetically at him and Gibbs inconspicuously tried to shove the box back under his couch with his foot._

"_Sorry, Boss," DiNozzo started. "I know it's awfully late and I know you took the day off and all. But the boiler in my apartment blew up and it's too late to check into a hotel and I don't really have anywhere else to go."_

"'_s okay," Gibbs replied as he got up from the couch. "You can crash on the couch. I'll get you a towel."_

"_Thanks," DiNozzo replied, beaming at him as he shed his coat._

_Gibbs just nodded and headed upstairs, trying to figure out why he was actually glad that the guy had shown up out of the blue. He never wanted to see anybody on that day, but he didn't mind DiNozzo being there now for some reason. The kid was good company after all and even though Gibbs didn't plan on telling him anything, the churning feeling in his gut had suddenly vanished. He grabbed a towel from the closet and headed back down into the living room. He was just about to hand it to him when he noticed that DiNozzo was just about to put a piece of paper back into the box._

_He stared at him for a moment, feeling like he had just been dipped in ice cold water when DiNozzo looked up at him and met his gaze, his eyes impossible wide all of a sudden._

"_Sorry," he stammered. "It was lying on the ground, so I picked it up to put it back in there. I swear, I didn't mean to snoop or anything."_

_Gibbs said nothing, he wasn't even sure that he actually could. So, he just continued to stare at the younger man who shifted uncomfortably under his glance. What had the guy seen and would he be able to connect the dots? Gibbs averted his eyes from DiNozzo's, took a look at the drawing that the guy was still clutching in his hand and felt his heart sink. It was the one Kelly had sent him on his last stint in Kuwait. It showed the three of them in front of what Gibbs supposed was their house. That alone wouldn't reveal anything if it wasn't for the writing underneath it. '_Can't wait to have you back home, Daddy. Love, Kelly' _was scribbled there in pink marker. It was the last one he had ever gotten, it had been the one that had only arrived after they were already dead and had sent him into that self-harming state of mind._

"_Who's Kelly, Boss?" DiNozzo forcefully pulled him back into the present, his eyes back on the piece of paper in his hand._

"_None of your damn business," Gibbs growled, causing the younger man to take a step backwards._

_For a moment, the older man thought that he would actually drop the topic, intimidated by the harsh tone, but he had forgotten that this was DiNozzo after all and he hardly ever backed away from him._

"_She's your daughter, right?" he asked quietly, searching for eye contact and Gibbs did him the favor for the moment, all the while feeling his heart pick up pace as he tried to find something to say that would make it all better, would make it all go away._

_He remained silent and for once DiNozzo did the same as he continued to stare at him with patience. He had a strange kind of look on his face and Gibbs felt queasy inside as he realized that he wasn't able to place it. It was a strange mixture of curiosity and anger and it didn't exactly help Gibbs to get his head around what exactly was happening. _

"_Fine," the younger man finally said after a while, his tone of voice rather bitter and sarcastic now. "Don't tell me. It's not like it's important or anything. What does it matter if you have a daughter somewhere out there? What does it matter that you didn't even bother to tell me? And what does it matter that you quite obviously never see her? It's just another kid that has no father because he's too damn busy working. Do you have any clue how hard it is when no one's ever around? Do you have any clue what it feels like crying yourself to sleep because your own father forgot about your sixth birthday? Huh, do you, Gibbs?"_

_The last words were shouted at him, but Gibbs didn't move, couldn't, so he just continued to stare at DiNozzo, whose face was red by now and whose hands were balled into fists as if he was about to punch him. He knew that he had to say something, had to defend himself, but he couldn't do it without revealing the mother of all secrets as Abby would call it. He couldn't tell the kid about his wife and daughter. He just couldn't. He couldn't stand to see the pity on the other man's face once he'd tell him. He simply couldn't tell him, so Gibbs just stood there, staring at him. DiNozzo, however, misjudged his silence and stepped closer to him before he started talking again, his voice raised._

"_You know, Gibbs. I thought you were different. I thought I could trust you, I thought you were different from anything I've ever known. But you know what? You're just the same as anyone else. You're just like my dad who just couldn't be bothered with anyone but himself. I can't believe I fell for," DiNozzo stopped himself and shook his head before he continued. "That. I can't believe I've been so stupid."_

_With that, he thrust the drawing into Gibbs's hand, who took it more out of reflex than anything else, and then stormed out the living room, not even bothering to pick up his bag. Gibbs stared after him, still reeling in shock before he realized what had just happened._

"_Tony," he all but shouted at DiNozzo's back, but the kid didn't turn around, didn't even stop, instead pulled open the front door and then vanished through it. _

_Gibbs ran after him, but when he reached the front door, DiNozzo was nowhere to be seen. He remained standing there for a moment, staring into nothingness, letting the rain soak him as he whispered into the darkness of the night._

"_But she's dead."_

.

Flashback

.

Gibbs looked into Sean's face and felt his heart sink as he realized that he was sporting a similar expression to DiNozzo's the day before. There was pity and definitely anger and Gibbs immediately regretted telling him anything. But then, the former cop cleared his throat and his expression changed ever so slightly, causing Gibbs to feel more comfortable again.

"Then show him that you're not," Sean all but whispered after a while.

"That I'm not what?" Gibbs replied, furrowing a brow as he tried to organize his thoughts because he still hadn't gotten over the whole conversation in his living room.

He had wanted to talk to DiNozzo the next morning, telling him god-knows-what, but they had caught that Roswell-case first thing in the morning and he simply didn't have the time. Besides, the younger man had seemed mostly fine, joking and talking all the way towards Roswell's apartment, so Gibbs had postponed it for the time being. If he had known that it would be last personal thing he had ever said to DiNozzo, he wouldn't have. But he couldn't have known. He just couldn't have.

"That you're not a bastard. Go over there and be there when he wakes up."

"I can't," Gibbs replied quietly, averting his glance from the guy to stare at his hands instead.

"Sure you can," Sean said sharply. "Otherwise you're exactly who he thinks you are. A selfish bastard who doesn't give shit about anyone but himself. You'd be no better than his father. No, listen," he added as Gibbs had opened his mouth to contradict him. "It doesn't matter that you had a fight. And I don't know what your deal is, if you see him as your son or partner or something entirely different and it doesn't matter. You just have to be there for him. It's as simple as that. You can stay here all night and disappoint the best thing that has apparently happened to you in the last couple of years or you can get your ass over there and man up. Your choice."

Part of Gibbs wanted to be offended, wanted to defend himself, but as soon as he had opened his mouth to do so, he realized that he had no arguments on his side. He stared at the guy for a couple of moments, wanted to stare him down, prove him a liar, but Sean didn't back away, instead met his gaze squarely. Finally, Gibbs let out a sigh before he reached for the back pocket of his jeans, pulled out his wallet and placed a few dollar bills on the counter before he stood up and was about to walk out of the bar on rather shaky legs when he realized that he couldn't just leave like that. The guy had listened to him all night, had put him straight, had been there for him for god-knows-what reasons. So, he turned around and was met with a small smile. He locked eyes with him for a moment and then nodded, unable to actually say the words. Sean nodded back at him and Gibbs realized that he understood. Understood just how much he helped him tonight, understood that Gibbs was grateful. He stared at him for a few more moments before Sean chuckled ever so slightly, breaking the tension that had almost been tangible.

"Go, already."

"Right," Gibbs replied, smirking ever so slightly and then turned around and did exactly that.

He knew that he wouldn't see the guy ever again, but he also knew that he would never forget what Sean had done for him that night.

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_A/N: Let me know what you think, please! :)_


	7. Unresolved

_A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay this time. Real life caught up with me unfortunately and I currently don't really have much time on my hands. Here's a new chapter, though, sorry for its shortness. I don't know when I'll be able to update again, but probably not before Tuesday or Wednesday next week. Sorry about that. I hope you do like this one, though! :)_

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Chapter Seven: Unresolved

The rain from the night before had given way to snow sometime during the night and Gibbs instinctively wrapped his arms around himself, wondering why he hadn't bothered grabbing his coat on the way out of the bullpen earlier today. How in the world had he been so occupied with his own thoughts that he had forgotten his coat _and_ the bulletproof vest? What the hell was wrong with him?  
Despite the cold, Gibbs didn't hurry to get back to the hospital, instead walked over there in a slow pace, hoping to be able to clear his mind from all the alcohol he had been drinking, from the thoughts about the night before and the way DiNozzo had just stopped breathing mere hours previously. He had no idea how bad his condition was at the moment and only now did he realize that Ducky hadn't told him anything, really. It was odd, to say the least, as the ME usually just wouldn't shut up. Maybe the young agent was off far worse than the doctor had let on. But then again would Ducky lie to him like that?

Gibbs shook his head, he was driving himself crazy. Almost involuntarily he walked a little faster as he realized that he would get no answers to his twirling thoughts if he didn't ask the ME. He knew that he would have to justify himself for running away like that, but he hoped that Ducky and Abby would let it slide at least for the moment because he wasn't even sure if he could actually explain it. He was still feeling empty inside, was still feeling devastated whenever flashes of a lifeless DiNozzo would appear in front of his inner eye. The talk with Sean had him feeling a little bit better, but there was still something nagging at the back of his mind, though he had no idea what exactly it was. It was like the guy had seen something about him that he couldn't even see himself. It left him feeling oddly helpless. But it wasn't important at the moment. All what mattered was that he had to get to the hospital, had to talk to Ducky and had to be there when DiNozzo would finally wake up. He owed the guy that much after what happened the night before.

He walked into the waiting room a little while later, his shirt and jeans soaked from the snow, but once again, he couldn't bring himself to care as he saw the only two occupants of the room. Abby was sitting on one of the chairs, her beautiful face smeared with black make-up. Obviously she had been crying and Gibbs felt the familiar ping of guilt inside of him for leaving like he had done. She was currently staring right at him, though Gibbs wasn't even sure whether she actually saw him or wasn't just staring into space. Ducky was sitting next to her, one arm draped around her shoulders and he was talking in hushed voices to her. The doctor was oddly pale and his expression was serious, wasn't holding its usual optimism which in return made Gibbs feeling even more hopeless.

"Jethro," the ME finally looked up at him, a frown on his face. "I'm glad you're here."

Gibbs locked eyes with him for a moment and saw the accusation in the older man's eyes, but the doctor didn't say anything, solely for Abby's purpose, Gibbs realized. So, he just nodded at him before he sat down next to Abby, who immediately laid her head onto his shoulders, quiet sobs escaping her. He stiffened for a moment before he sighed and pulled his arm around the young Goth. The questions about DiNozzo's health were burning holes somewhere from inside of him and yet he didn't ask them right away as if to buy himself some time. This wasn't like him. He was the embodied impatience and the take action kind of guy, so why was he sitting here like that? It didn't seem to be right, so he finally sighed, gave Abby a soft squeeze before he looked over at Ducky, who was observing him rather speculatively at the moment.

"What can you tell me, Duck?" he asked, somewhat glad that his voice was his usual gruff self.

"I'm afraid, not much, my dear Jethro," he replied softly. "The hospital policy states that they can't release any information unless you are a family member or the patient's personal physician."

"But you are…" Gibbs started but was interrupted immediately.

"I am. It seems like that Young Anthony, however, has never changed the paperwork since he has joined NCIS. So I am not listed, yet."

"So, we know nothing?" Gibbs said through gritted teeth, the impatience finally making its way through the haze in his mind.

"We know what I've already told you on the phone. All we can do is, wait for Anthony's father to show up."

"He won't, Duck," Gibbs all but whispered, causing Abby to tense up in his arms. "I called his office right after," he stopped himself from saying 'died in my arms' and took a deep breath before he continued. "They took him here. DiNozzo Senior's personal assistant said he was out of town for business and she sure as hell had no idea that her boss even had a son."

"Oh dear," Ducky replied, removing his glasses to clean them.

"This is just stupid," Abby finally extracted herself from Gibbs' grip and all but jumped up from the chair she had been sitting on. "We can't just wait here without knowing anything. We all care a big deal for him and someone in this hospital has to see that. I'm not willing to wait any longer just because of some stupid policy. We're his friends and from the looks of it, we're also his family. We have to do something. Right, Gibbs?"

He stared at her for a moment, simultaneously feeling like he had just been punched in the gut and like he had just been shown a whole different kind of life. Was DiNozzo really part of his family? He realized that it was true, he did care for the kid, more than he even should probably and he felt his heart sink at the thought about how he had pushed him away the night before just because he had found a freaking drawing from Kelly. How did he not see it before? Had had he not seen that while he might have lost one family, he still had this family. Dysfunctional and different as they might be, Ducky, Abby and lately DiNozzo had replaced the hole in his heart, that Shannon and Kelly had left, to a certain degree. And Abby was right, DiNozzo didn't have anyone besides the three of them, at least not right now, not in this moment and he would be damned if he couldn't get anything out of any of those nurses. He stood up now, earning himself a slight smile from both Abby and Ducky before he was almost dragged out of the room by the Goth. They got a hold of a nurse right outside the waiting room and were sent off to the head nurse.

"Hi," Abby greeted her with a smile so broad and fake that Gibbs was sure it must have hurt. "I'm Abigail Scuito and I'm here for Anthony DiNozzo. I know I'm not family, but at the same time I kind of am. Is there any way we can know what's going on? Or at least know that he'll be alright?"

The nurse, a resolute-looking woman of about fifty years, looked at her begging face for a moment before her glance reached Gibbs who just stared back at her, hoping that his glare would work better on her than it had on Sean an hour previously. He saw his hopes dashing away, however, when the nurse shook her head as she read through a file, presumably DiNozzo's.

"I can't, I'm sorry," she said, her voice surprisingly apologetic as she continued to look at Gibbs. "But if you're not family, I can't tell you anything. However, Mr. DiNozzo has listed a person as his emergency contact, but the number seems to be out of service."

"What's the name?" Abby asked, suddenly seemingly a little more hopeful. "I mean, we work for NCIS. I'm sure we can figure it out. Maybe it's just an old number. We can run it through our databases."

The nurse raised an eyebrow at her. "You sure that's not illegal?"

"Not if we don't tell anyone," Abby replied, whispering conspiratorially.

"Alright," the older woman replied, smiling at her and browsing through the file. "Ah, here it is. The emergency contact is one Leroy Jethro Gibbs. That's what I call one strong manly name."

Gibbs stared at her in disbelief, trying to figure out when DiNozzo had changed that and why. He would have bet anything that he would have listed some of his old frat brothers, but no, he had put his name there. They had known each other for only six months. Was he really that important to the guy? Was he really just as important to DiNozzo as he was to him? Or maybe – yeah, that had to be it. It was simply the most prudent thing to do. He was working with him after all, had seen him almost every day since he had started to work for him. Convenience, that had to be it.

"That's me," he finally choked out as he realized that the nurse in front of him shot him a quizzical look. "I'm Gibbs."

"You're his person, Gibbs! That's so cute! But how come he put a wrong number there?" Abby chimed in, curiously looking at him, the smile back on her face all of a sudden.

"I don't know." Gibbs glanced at the piece of paper, squinting a bit, wondering if he would need glasses soon to decipher the smaller writings and saw his old number written there. "Oh yeah, that's right. Remember my ex-wife's tirade a few months back? I had to change my number in order not to get my ear chewed off."

"Right, Stephanie," Abby replied, grinning ever so slightly before she became serious again.

Gibbs just nodded and then turned towards the nurse, whose nametag read Jamie. "Can you tell me now, what exactly is wrong with DiNozzo?"

"Right, of course," she replied, once again browsing through the file. "His condition is stable. He has suffered a severe blood loss from the gunshot wound to his chest."

Out of the corners of his eyes, Gibbs saw Abby clasp her hands to her mouth as if to stop herself from crying out, but he ignored it for the time being. First, he had to make sure that DiNozzo was somewhat alright before he would be able to soothe Abby… and maybe himself.

"He has been lucky, though, the bullet didn't graze any of the organs. The doctors were able to stop the bleeding just in time. He has broken his wrist and four ribs and has a severe concussion. I'm told he has been falling a few feet?"

"Yeah, from a bridge," Gibbs offered, his gut still churning uncomfortably. "He going to make it?"

"There's no telling that, yet," Nurse Jamie answered, her tone of voice soft again. "His heart stopped beating three times on the way over here. And we don't know just how much his head has been damaged from the fall. We'll have to wait 'till he wakes up, I'm afraid to say."

"So," Abby chimed in, her voice barely above a whisper. "There's a possibility that he might wake up, but that he won't be… you know… Tony?"

Jamie just nodded and Gibbs finally was able to avert his glance from her to focus on Abby instead. She was crying again and shaking violently. He gathered her in his arms, his hands patting her back as he whispered meaningless things into her ear to calm her down. Over her shoulder he looked at the nurse, who was staring at him with an unreadable expression at the moment which in return made him somehow even more uncomfortable.

"Can I see him?" he finally asked.

"Sure. But only you."

"Okay," he replied and then let go of Abby.

They walked towards the ICU, catching Ducky up, before they came to a stop in front of the door to DiNozzo's door. Gibbs had been dying to see the guy ever since the doors to the ambulance had closed directly in front of him, but now that he finally had the chance to, he was oddly reluctant. He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing loudly. He couldn't do it. He couldn't open the door and see what results his stupidity had. It had all been his fault, without him, DiNozzo wouldn't be fighting for his life, Abby wouldn't be in tears and Ducky wouldn't look at him like that.

"Jethro?" Ducky asked now, apparently sensing his reluctance.

"Just need a minute, Duck."

"Alright then," the older man replied softly. "Abigail and I will be in the cafeteria. I'm certain you will call us when there is a change?"

"Sure."

They walked away and Gibbs stared at them until they were out of sight before he turned towards the closed door in front of him. His mind was reeling. Pictures of a dying DiNozzo were mixed up with Abby's tears and Ducky's questioning gaze. Sean's face suddenly showed up, too, telling him to man the fuck up and go in there. And it was the right thing to do, too, Gibbs knew that. He had been running and hiding too much tonight, he needed to do this.

He was DiNozzo's person. He had to do this.

So, he took a deep breath before he reached for the doorknob and opened the door. His glance fell upon a still – too still – DiNozzo lying on an uncomfortable looking bed, tubes sticking out of various parts of his body while other parts were covered with casts. His head was heavily bandaged, probably a result from the fall, and Gibbs sighed, but stepped closer nonetheless. He reached for a chair and dragged it over to the bed, where he flopped down on it, careful to be as quiet as he could. He had no clue whether it would do any good, but it couldn't hurt. He stared at DiNozzo's lifeless face for a couple of minutes, trying to get his whirling thoughts under control.

This just wasn't right, DiNozzo was supposed to be up and annoying, was supposed to make Gibbs feel better, was supposed to quote movies and make him laugh. This couldn't possibly be him, lying there, pale as the white walls surrounding him and unmoving except for the heaving of his chest, which indicated that he was at least breathing.

Reaching for the younger man's hand, Gibbs covered it with his own, giving it a soft squeeze before he looked at his lifeless face again.

"I'm so sorry, Tony."

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_A/N: Reviews would seriously cheer me up xD Hope you liked it! ;)_


	8. Understanding

_A/N: Sorry for the delay this time, but I've been really busy and I probably will be until Monday. So don't expect updates this week, sorry. After that, though, I promise to update as frequently as I have been ;)  
Thanks for your reviews! I appreciate all of them! Thanks!_

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Chapter Eight: Understanding

Gibbs continued to stare at the younger man for a long time, but DiNozzo never moved. The only sign that he was actually alive was the consistent heaving of his chest. He was unnaturally pale and only now did Gibbs realize that it wasn't the first time he had seen him that peaky. His heart grew heavier as the realization hit him that the guy had looked exactly like that the night before when he had been shouting at him, only that his expression now was blank instead of angry. Not for the first time did Gibbs wonder whether all of this wouldn't have happened if he had just told the guy the truth about Kelly and Shannon. Would it really have been that bad to talk about them? He wasn't exactly keen on even thinking about them, talking about what he had lost and what he had never regained and probably never would again. But didn't he trust DiNozzo with his life on a daily basis? So, why had it been so hard to say those words?  
Granted, his heart was still breaking after all of those years whenever had gave them more than a few minutes thought, but he had destroyed too many relationships already by keeping them a secret. The one with DiNozzo was just the last in line.

Gibbs softly squeezed the younger man's hand and realized with a start that he wasn't willing to give up on their relationship just yet. He had let go of each of his wives without as much as a second thought whenever they had pressured him about talking about his late wife and daughter. So, why was it so hard to let go of DiNozzo now? Maybe it was the remorse that had refused to leave him ever since the younger man had left his living room the night before or maybe it was simply the fact that he was not ready to let him go. He wanted to have him around at work, wanted him to have his six and wanted him to keep on annoying him. But Gibbs was also sure that DiNozzo wouldn't forgive him that easily. And certainly wouldn't at all if he didn't tell him the truth. He knew that he had to come clean about his past and realized that it didn't hurt as much to think about the possibility of doing so as he had thought it would. Maybe he would actually tell him. Would tell him about the phone call in Kuwait that had changed his life, would tell him about how he sought revenge and found it and how it hadn't helped at all. But he couldn't possibly tell him all of that, could he? And it wasn't exactly like DiNozzo had told him anything about his past either. He had never told him that he didn't speak to his father, that the guy had apparently never taken care of him and how much it still hurt him after all these years. Gibbs was sure that the kid hadn't wanted to tell him that in his rage from the night before, but he had done it anyway. So that had to count for something, right?  
Gibbs sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. His thoughts were tumbling around in his head and he had no clue whether they were actually making sense. It wasn't like any of them would even matter if the young man in front of him didn't wake up.

He was startled out of his thoughts and quickly withdrew his hand that was still lying upon DiNozzo's when the door behind him opened and a young nurse stepped in. She gave him a small smile, but didn't say anything as she checked DiNozzo's vitals and adjusted something on the IV line. Gibbs watched her face intently, searching for any sign that DiNozzo's condition had somehow gotten worse, but she just kept on smiling at nothing in particular. Apparently she was one of those people who just smiled at anything for no reason – a trait in people that Gibbs never quite understood. But he remained stoically silent, not exactly keen on talking to her. She was already halfway out the door, when she suddenly turned around and looked at him with a sympathetic look on her face.

"You could talk to him, you know. There are studies that patients actually hear whatever you are saying even if they never respond. I'm sure Agent DiNozzo would appreciate it."

Gibbs stared at her and was on the edge of telling her off, telling her that she had no idea what DiNozzo would appreciate or not, but he found himself nod despite himself. The nurse gave him another smile and then vanished through the door. He turned around to look at his agent and sighed once again. He had never been good at talking in general and now he was supposed to talk to a lifeless DiNozzo when he wasn't even sure that he would wake up? But then, he realized that it couldn't possibly hurt anything.

"Hey," he finally started after a little while, taking his hand again, but felt ridiculous talking to the sleeping form in front of him, especially when his voice sounded so off, so lost. "This is stupid," he mumbled and shook his head before he stood up.

He needed coffee. He wasn't exactly keen on leaving DiNozzo behind like this, but he wouldn't be gone for long and this time, he wasn't trying to run away. He just really needed coffee to be able to stay awake for a little while longer. He quietly closed the door behind him and almost let out a cry of surprise when Abby all but sprang up from where she had been sitting on the floor right next to him.

"How is he, Gibbs? Is he awake?"

He just shook his head, taking in her disappointed expression. Her eyes were still red from crying, her make up all over the place, but for once she didn't seem to care.

"What are you doing here? Thought you went with Ducky?"

"I did," she replied. "But I thought that I would be more useful if I sent him my positive thoughts from a shorter distance. I've read somewhere that it is supposed to help and I thought I'd try."

Gibbs smiled at her and just nodded before a thought appeared to him. He had asked her over the phone a couple of hours previously, but she had never answered, not really.

"Why are you so worried, Abs?" he asked and realized too late that it had sounded rather cruel, so he hurried to continue. "I mean, I thought you didn't like him."

"Of course, I do, Gibbs!" she exclaimed before she let herself sink down to the ground next to the floor and Gibbs followed suit, pulling an arm around her shoulders. "I mean," she continued after a little while. "I didn't at first. But Tony came by last week and asked what my problem with him was and what he could do to make me like him and that kind of sealed the deal, you know."

"And you started to like him, just like that?" Gibbs asked, raising an eyebrow, and he realized that he was slightly confused why this was so important to him, maybe Abby's earlier statement about them being a family had something to do with it.

"No, of course not. But, you know, I always had the feeling that he was holding out on me, like there was something he wasn't telling me. I mean, I don't expect anyone to just tell me their darkest secrets, but I knew that he was always avoiding me for some reason, so I called him up on it and well, I don't think he told me the whole truth, but I have a better idea of him now and that's totally fine with me. I really do like him, Gibbs, now that he's not trying to fool me anymore."

"Fool you how?"

"Like trying to convey that he's the careless, ever-talking frat boy who doesn't have a worry in this world. He's actually a really insecure guy, Gibbs, and I think he's lonely, too. He just doesn't let it show."

"I know, Abs," Gibbs all but whispered in reply, realizing that she was right about all of it.

"And that's why I think it's really important that we're here now. I don't know if he'll ever wake up again, but I'm praying that he will. I mean, his dad apparently doesn't give a damn, so we have to compensate for that, right? And I know you care, too, Gibbs, otherwise you wouldn't be looking like you do now."

"Abs," Gibbs continued and there was a warning in his voice, but the young Goth cut him off, apparently not caring.

"No, I know you do. Probably more than you think. You've taken to him faster than to anyone else before, don't deny that. And you know I love you no matter what, Gibbs, but even you have to admit that you're much more relaxed ever since Tony has started to work for NCIS. I don't know what it is about him, but he's done you good and for that alone I like him."

Gibbs stared at her as if she had just grown another head. Was it really that obvious? Abby was right about everything she had just said, of course, but he hadn't been aware that anyone else but himself had noticed his slight change in behavior. Before he had wrapped his mind around it, though, Abby continued to talk.

"And he really needs you now, Gibbs. I know he never told you and probably never will, but it's so obvious that he worships you. He needs you to tell him that it'll be alright because he listens to you. Always and no matter what."

"He doesn't worship me," Gibbs replied indignantly, but felt his heart beat speed up nonetheless.

"Sure he does," Abby just replied smiling at him before her expression darkened again. "So, please don't run away again and go back in there and be there, okay?"

"I didn't run away," Gibbs started to defend himself, but was once again interrupted.

"Just keep telling yourself that," Abby grinned ever so slightly. "And nobody blames you. Just don't do it again, okay?"

"Wasn't planning on it," he sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. "Just wanted to get some coffee."

"Good thing I always think ahead," she just said and then reached for a cup of coffee that was sitting right next to her and that Gibbs hadn't even noticed before.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. And now go back in there, okay? He made you his person, so you have to be there for him."

"I know, Abby," Gibbs replied, realizing that he hadn't quite managed to sound quite as indignant as he had planned.

"Good," she just said. "I'll be here, sending him good vibes. I'm sure he'll pull through."

"Yeah," he sighed and got up again, pressing a kiss onto her forehead, secretly wishing that he could be as optimistic as she was.

.

Gibbs had returned to DiNozzo's room just like he had promised, but the guy's condition hadn't changed. He was still lying there lifelessly and Gibbs' heart grew heavier with every minute that passed with no change. Despite the coffee in his system, he was feeling drowsier by the second, but wasn't willing to give in to the looming sleep just yet. The nurse's words from earlier came back into his mind again and he sighed loudly, figuring that it really wouldn't hurt talking to him, even if he felt incredibly stupid doing so.

"Hey," he finally started. "I see your old Captain in Baltimore wasn't lying to me when he told me you were accident prone. No blame though, it's all my fault. Should have made sure that we wore those damn bulletproof vests. Can't believe I've been that distracted not to think about it. Was just too occupied with what has happened between us, I guess," Gibbs stopped talking for a moment and then took the younger man's hand again, running his thumb over the back of DiNozzo's hand. "I never lied to you, DiNozzo. I don't have a family – not anymore. I once had one, a beautiful wife and the best daughter you can imagine. And I'm really sorry that I missed so much precious time with them because I was in the corps. But I've always been there on my daughter's birthday. I never forgot. Not once."

He fell silent for a long time, wondering what he had hoped to achieve by talking to him. The guy wouldn't remember a word he had just said and would still be mad at him – if he would even wake up again. And yet, Gibbs felt a tiny bit better now that he had said it and he realized that he would actually tell him again when he was awake. He knew he had to in order to keep him around and he realized with quite a start that he actually _wanted_ to tell him, too.

"You would have liked Shannon," he finally continued and even though he was at a loss of what to say exactly, he kept on talking about his family, realizing that it actually felt quite good to have someone to talk to about it – or rather talk at someone, but it didn't matter for the time being. "She had the same kind of humor as you do. And she was obsessed with movies. She made me watch all kinds of films and without her I would have never even known The Duke, DiNozzo. Actually, the movie the two of us watched a few months back was the one she was most enthusiastic about. Made me watch it like a million times. And tell you what, I loved every second of it. Of course, once Kelly came into the picture, we mostly switched to Disney movies, but I still loved spending time with them like that."

Gibbs trailed of now, but continued to look at the younger man for a long time, taking in the beautiful, if still pale, features. The guy was handsome without having to try and there was something about his boyish behavior that made him even more endearing. But he had seen glimpses of the hurt and sensitive man behind that clown mask and only now did Gibbs realize that he craved to get to know the real Tony. The strange thing which had only been tugging at his insides before and which he had been able to ignore for the better part of the last six months, suddenly welled up inside of him as he accepted that he really needed the younger man to wake up. He had so much to tell him. So much.

.

Gibbs wasn't quite sure when he had actually fallen asleep, but he was risen from his slumber a few hours later when the DiNozzo's hand, which he was still holding in his own, suddenly started to twitch.

"Tony?"

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_A/N: Like it? Hate it? Let me know what you think, please! :)_


	9. Timing

_A/N: First of all, thanks for the patience and your kind words! :) You really made my day with your reviews! :) So, here's the next chapter. I know it's not much and a little short, but it's all I could do this week. I hope you like it, though. ;) My life has calmed down enough for the time being, so that the next few updates should be coming faster again from now on, I promise. ;)_

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Chapter Nine: Timing

_Gibbs wasn't quite sure when he had actually fallen asleep, but he was risen from his slumber a few hours later when DiNozzo's hand, which he was still holding in his own, suddenly started to twitch._

"_Tony?"_

He watched the younger man's face which was suddenly not lifeless anymore but scrunched up now as if he was in pain. Slightly increasing the pressure on his hand and not daring to touch any other part of DiNozzo's body to make sure he wouldn't hurt him, Gibbs leaned into him and whispered again.

"Tony? You with me?"

The other guy stirred ever so slightly at his words, but didn't open his eyes to look at him. Gibbs sighed loudly and sat up a little bit straighter before he leaned down, so that his nose was almost touching DiNozzo's ear as he whispered.

"Come on, DiNozzo. I need you here. Now."

Only as he had already said it did Gibbs realize that it had sounded more like an order than a request. But apparently it did the trick because the younger man stirred again and then his hand twitched again. Gibbs held onto him a little stronger and felt his heart skip a beat when DiNozzo moved his hand ever so slightly, and Gibbs was almost sure that he wanted him to let go of him, but then the young man squeezed back.

"Tony?" Gibbs tried again and this time his effort was successful.

DiNozzo's eyes shot open and he met Gibbs' gaze almost instantly, the green orbs a bit brighter than usual as he tried to focus on him.

"Hey," the older man spoke, his voice softer than he was used to, but he couldn't bring himself to care because DiNozzo finally fixed his glance on him. "You're back."

The young man stared at him for a moment, clearly struggling with something before he looked like he wanted to say something to him, but couldn't because of the tubes that had helped him breathe mere seconds ago. Gibbs was just able to see the panic bubble up in DiNozzo's eyes before the younger man started to struggle with the tubes, the heart monitor starting to beat loudly somewhere in the background. He stared at the younger man's helpless expression for a moment before he recollected himself and quickly moved to press the panic button on the wall to call for help. He averted his glance towards DiNozzo again, trying to calm him down somewhat, but had no clue how to make him relax, when his own nerve endings seemed to be alight with panic. So, he simply put his left hand, the one that wasn't still clutching the younger man's, on the guy's shoulder, holding him down, so that he didn't have the chance to hurt himself even further by moving around too much.

He was just about to open his mouth to say something as he was almost forcefully shoved away from the bed when two nurses and a young-looking doctor tore into the room, shouting all kinds of medical stuff that Gibbs wasn't able to understand. All he knew was that DiNozzo was quite obviously still struggling with the tubes and those idiots weren't moving fast enough.

"Do something," he hissed and was about to reach for DiNozzo's hand again as there suddenly were two strong hands, belonging to one of the nurses, on his shoulders, forcing him back.

"I need you to go wait outside," the guy said patiently, which unnerved Gibbs to no end. "We need to do our job."

"No," Gibbs replied, struggling with the much younger man. "I need to be here."

"No, you don't. You'll just be in the way. We got everything under control."

Gibbs was just about to cut him off, tell him off and was determined to get back into DiNozzo's room as he heard Ducky's voice from somewhere behind him.

"Let them do their job, Jethro. He's in good hands."

All energy suddenly seemed to drain from his body as Gibbs let go of the nurse and let himself be pushed out of the room completely. He knew that Ducky was right, he would be no use in there, but what if DiNozzo needed him and he wasn't there?  
But who was he kidding anyway? The kid had always been good on his own, was completely capable of looking after himself. He didn't need Gibbs in there, where he was quite obviously only in the way.

It was when it hit Gibbs like a lightning. It wasn't DiNozzo that needed him to be there. It was the other way around. He needed to see that the younger man would be alright, needed to see that he was in fact breathing and very much alive. In short, he needed him to be there. Gibbs just needed the younger man.

He let Ducky guide him towards a set of chairs nearby nevertheless and then flopped down on one of them. Only now did he realize that Abby was there, too, and that she was in fact trying to calm him down. Hadn't she been the one who had been upset the most before? How came she was trying to soothe him, of all people, now? Gibbs let out a sigh and then turned to look at her more closely. Her make-up was still a mess, but she did look calmer than before and Gibbs somehow felt himself become steadier in return, though he had no idea how that could be.

"What happened?" Ducky cut through his train of thought, startling him ever so slightly before he turned to look at the ME.

"He woke up," Gibbs started and was promptly interrupted by Abby's squeal.  
He placed a hand on her knee and she fell silent instantly, the worried expression back on her face. "But then he started to struggle with the tubes and stuff. I don't know what happened - one moment he looks at me, the next he's all panicked."

"I wouldn't worry too much about it, my dear Jethro," Ducky said and Gibbs realized with quite some surprised that the doctor was actually smiling at him. "It is a very good sign that he has woken up so quickly and I am sure the doctors will be able to calm him down long enough to remove the tubes."

"You sure?" Gibbs pressed out, still trying to get his furiously beating heart under control.

"As sure as I can be, given the circumstances."

Gibbs just nodded and let his head fall back against the wall behind him. He knew that Ducky was probably right, but that didn't mean he was able to calm down, not even a little. He was desperate to see with his own eyes that DiNozzo was alright, that he was awake and that he remembered who he was and why he was there. He had no idea what he would do if DiNozzo wouldn't make it, wouldn't remember anything. It was all too much.

"Gibbs?" Abby startled him ever so slightly. "You want some coffee?"

Gibbs just nodded mutely, not looking at her, but felt her move next to him nevertheless. He wasn't quite sure whether he really wanted some caffeine, he was wide awake after all, but it gave him at least a few moments of silence, a few moments to collect himself, so that he could be there for her later on because right now he wasn't able to and he wasn't happy about it.  
He had always been the one in control, the one in charge. There had once been a time when he hadn't been any of these things. He had been a mess, had carelessly put his life in danger a couple of times right after he had gotten the news of Shannon and Kelly's deaths. But he had sworn to himself afterwards that it wouldn't happen again, that he wouldn't let his feelings get the better of him any longer. He had succeeded for the better part of the past decade, but he felt the walls, that he had so carefully pulled up over the last couple of years, slowly crumble away and he couldn't do anything about it.  
What the hell was it with DiNozzo all of a sudden? All of this shouldn't tear him apart like this. It wasn't supposed to work this way. He was supposed to keep his head in the game, was supposed to focus on the case at hand and not on his freaking feelings for the young agent – whatever those might be anyway.

"Jethro," Ducky once again interrupted his inner turmoil. "It's okay."

"What is?" he asked rather confused as he had no clue what the hell the ME was talking about.

"To care."

"I know that, Duck," Gibbs replied rather indignantly, wondering where the doctor was getting at.

"Then why are you fighting it?"

"I'm not."

"Sure you are. It's no shame to feel connected to Young Anthony, you know that, right? You two are very much alike and before you say something, I know you're quite different in some regards, too. But not when it comes to the things that count. And I'm sure that Anthony does care as much for you as you do for him. There's no doubt about it."

"He might have," Gibbs replied, though he had no clue why he was even giving him an answer. "But not anymore."

"Whatever do you mean? You are not blaming yourself for Anthony's bad luck, do you?"

"It's hardly bad luck when I forget to think about bullet-proof vests, Duck."

"As did he. You're not to blame."

"He was… I was…," Gibbs started, still not knowing why he was even talking to Ducky about this. It was bad enough just thinking about it. "We had this huge fight just the night before it happened and we were both distracted when we went after Roswell. So yes, this is very much my fault."

Ducky remained silent after that and Gibbs closed his eyes, sighing loudly. He couldn't deal with this right now. He just needed to be sure that DiNozzo was alright. He knew that Ducky was right to say that it was no shame to care about the younger man, but Gibbs was also sure that the ME had no clue just how much he cared. To be honest, he, himself, didn't have a clue, either. Actually didn't want to, too.

"I'm sure he'll forgive you, Jethro," Ducky finally continued to talk, even if he had spoken only above a whisper, causing Gibbs to finally look at him again.

"Not if he's smart," Gibbs sighed and then continued. "Or if he won't be alright."

"I think I can help you with that," the doctor that had entered DiNozzo's room a few minutes previously to get rid of Gibbs was standing right in front of them, a slight smile on his lips.

Gibbs got to his feet, his heart almost automatically picking up pace.

"What do you got?" he asked and was just as satisfied as he was surprised that he had actually managed to sound rather grumpy again.

"Mr. DiNozzo is awake and mostly fine given the circumstances. He knows who he is and why he's here. He's breathing normally now."

"He gonna be alright?" Gibbs inquired, desperately trying to remain standing as his thoughts were tumbling through his head.

"Things are looking good. He's still in pain, but that's no surprise given the extensive injuries."

"Okay," Ducky answered, giving the young doctor a bright smile, which in return somehow caused Gibbs to calm down a notch.

"Can I see him?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah," the doctor replied, still smiling at him. "But he's gotten some medication to ease his pain, so he's probably drowsy if not already asleep."

With that, he disappeared through the doors of the nurses' station, leaving Gibbs standing there, looking after him slightly startled. He took a deep breath and shook his head, trying to swallow his panic completely. He was thankful that Ducky chose not to say anything for the time being as he let him absorb the good news. He was relieved, of course, but that didn't mean he was less anxious to actually go back into DiNozzo's room. He knew that he was coward, but he had sworn to himself mere hours previously that he would talk to him and tell him everything, too. And he wouldn't be deferred from his plan. Not this time. He knew that it was hardly the time right now, but he needed to do this now or he never would.

"I'll…" he started, but Ducky just nodded, so he finally got moving and then quietly entered DiNozzo's room again.

The younger man was still lying there, but he was looking slightly better than before and he was staring back at him squarely. Gibbs let out a relieved sigh as he saw with his own eyes that DiNozzo was actually alright like the doctor had claimed earlier.

"Well, you look like hell, Boss," DiNozzo said, grinning ever so faintly.

Despite himself, Gibbs couldn't help but let out a laugh as he sat down on the same chair he had occupied earlier.

"You're one to talk."

"Yeah, well. I got shot, while you just look drunk and in desperate need of some sleep and clean clothes."

Gibbs just shook his head as he glanced down at himself and realized that the younger man was perfectly right. He really did need a change of clothes because he was still wearing the blood drenched shirt after all. But all in due time...

"How are you feeling?" he finally asked, carefully trying to keep a light tone of voice.

"Been better, but nothing I couldn't manage. Pretty tired though."

And as if to emphasize his last point, DiNozzo's eyes slid shut as he yawned widely. Maybe Gibbs would have to delay his plan of telling him the truth for a little while after all.

"You should get some sleep."

"'s not like I have a chance," DiNozzo quipped and closed his eyes again.

Gibbs stared at him for a little while as he drifted off to sleep, his breathing evening out. He felt relieved that DiNozzo was probably going to be alright, that he didn't seem to be too mad at him. He had been joking with him after all, but that didn't necessarily mean that he'd forgive him. In fact, Gibbs knew that he wouldn't.

"I'm sorry," he finally all but whispered as he was sure that the younger man was already asleep, but was slightly startled when DiNozzo moved and looked at him bleary-eyed.

"Sign of weakness, Boss."

"Right," Gibbs answered and then the other guy closed his eyes as sleep pulled him back in, leaving him sitting there with nothing to do but stare at him once again, waiting for him to wake up.

.

A few hours later, DiNozzo was still sound asleep and Gibbs had given Abby and Ducky the good news and ever since then had been sitting next to him, watching him sleep. He hadn't dared to take his hand again, too afraid of what the younger man would think of him. It didn't mean, though, that he hadn't wanted to. In fact, he actually craved any touch at the moment, but he refrained to touch him, knowing that DiNozzo probably wouldn't appreciate it at all. So he had just been sitting there, staring at him, trying not to miss any change in the other man. It was already late at night again, when DiNozzo moved ever so slightly without waking up. He was mumbling something incoherent that Gibbs wasn't able to understand, so he leaned closer, careful not to wake him up.

What he heard next, though, caused him to sit back again and he felt something inside of him break to tiny little pieces.

"Wendy," DiNozzo mumbled before he turned around, still fast asleep.

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_A/N: Reviews would be a big cheer-up! ;) _


	10. Thresholds

_A/N: Thanks again for your reviews and story alerts! You guys are seriously awesome, you know that? ;)_

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Chapter Ten: Thresholds

By the time DiNozzo slowly drifted towards consciousness in the small hours of the morning, Gibbs had himself composed to the level of actually being sure that he would be able to face the younger man without his voice betraying him terribly. He knew that he should feel stupid for thinking that DiNozzo would already be over the love of his life only months after Wendy had broken up with him so cruelly. Gibbs' own feelings had apparently overshadowed his common sense and over the last couple of hours, he had come to the conclusion that he wouldn't get that emotionally invested anymore. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but he was sick of it all.  
But just because he wanted to confine the truest feelings he had felt in a long time, didn't mean he didn't have to tell DiNozzo the truth about his family. He owed it to the guy, knew that if he didn't tell him, the younger man would be gone for good and Gibbs was pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to stand it. If he couldn't have the other man the way he wanted to, he would at least try to get him to stay on his team because without him, work would once again be a drag, would once again eat him up alive.

DiNozzo groaned ever so slightly, catching Gibbs' attention at once. The younger man turned ever so slightly and then pried his eyes open, focusing on his boss a little while later.

"Hey," he pressed out, his voice croaky.

"Hey," Gibbs replied with a slight smirk on his face. "Want something to drink?"

DiNozzo just nodded and winced as he tried to sit up. Gibbs put a hand on his shoulder and held him down, knowing that any movement had to hurt the other man. He reached for the cup of water that was standing on the nightstand, put a straw into it and then held it up for DiNozzo who started to drink with big gulps as if he had been parched before. Gibbs could see it in the younger man's expression that he was feeling highly uncomfortable being quite so helpless, but he'd have to deal with it for the time being. Knowing DiNozzo, Gibbs was pretty sure anyway that he'd be out of the hospital on his own account in no time and he couldn't even blame him for it. Hospitals had hopelessness written all over and Gibbs himself always had the distinct feeling of running whenever he set as much as a foot into one.

"Better?" he asked when he set the cup of water back onto the nightstand and sat down on his uncomfortable plastic chair next to the bed.

"Yeah, thanks."

They remained silent for a long time after that and Gibbs found himself getting restless inside. He wasn't used to a quiet DiNozzo, not when he was awake anyway. He knew that it was probably his turn to say something, but he found it hard to find the words. Deciding that he'd address the most pressing matters first, he finally cleared his throat, causing DiNozzo to look at him again.

"Need some more painkillers?"

"No, I'm good, I think," the younger man answered slowly. "I'm always delirious whenever I take them. I can take some pain if it means keeping a clear head."

Gibbs just nodded before the room was dipped in silence again. He had never been good at talking or starting a conversation, even with the people that meant most to him. Luckily for him, the other guy had had never trouble with this particular problem, but this time, he remained almost stoically quiet, causing Gibbs to wonder whether he had actually rubbed off on him in that regard. But it was nonsense, of course, he knew that the younger man just waited for him to start explaining or whatever.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and had still no clue what he was supposed to say, when he once again glanced at DiNozzo, who was unwaveringly staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Gibbs realized that while he had been joking with him on the car chase two days previously and even the night before, when he had already been under the influence of the painkillers, DiNozzo was far from having forgiven him.

"Listen," Gibbs finally started, averting his glance from the younger man's face and stared at his own hands instead. "I'm sorry for what happened to you. I should have made sure that we were wearing the goddamn vests."

"Not your fault, Boss," DiNozzo croaked out. "Didn't think of it either and if I hadn't let my arm gotten broken, none of it would have even happened in the first place."

Gibbs stared at him for a moment and then nodded as he saw the determination in the other man's eyes, so he sighed loudly, once again running a hand through his hair. He was just about to continue talking, when the younger man beat him to it.

"And there's no need to apologize. But I know how much you hate to do it, so I guess I should feel good about it, right? Doesn't make it any better, though."

"Make what better?" Gibbs replied somewhat confused as he had no clue where DiNozzo was getting at.

"All of it. And I'm not talking about the reason I'm in here because I know damn well that there's no one to blame for that. Well, except Roswell, I guess. He's dead, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good," DiNozzo said before he paused for a second. "I mean not good, but you know what I mean. I'm glad he won't go around killing more people."

"Hmm," Gibbs just replied, patiently waiting for the other guy to continue talking all the while fighting an inner battle.

He felt like he was on pin and needles and with every second that passed without a word from him it was getting worse. He knew that he should feel glad about the fact that DiNozzo wasn't blaming him for getting shot, but rather the opposite was the case. It only made all the other stuff worse.

"Listen," the younger man finally interrupted his inner turmoil, his voice still coarse and yet somehow strangely strangled all of a sudden. "I know it's none of my damn business what you do with your life outside of work, but in case you haven't noticed before, I didn't exactly have the greatest childhood. And yes, that is probably none of your business, either. But I thought you were… I don't even know if this makes sense. But when I saw that drawing of your daughter, I just snapped, you know. I couldn't – still can't actually – believe that you of all people would put work above your own family. Might be surprising to some people, but not to me because I've gotten to know you pretty well those last couple of months – or so I thought anyway. And if you're one thing, it's loyal and honest. And for the love of god, I can't put it together in my head. Break-ups and divorces, I get, but you can't just divorce your own child. It's not possible and yet, here you are, being all secretive about it and didn't even feel the need to tell me or anybody for that matter that you even had a daughter. What does that make you, Gibbs, huh?"

The older man stared at him for a long moment, trying to make eye contact with DiNozzo, but the guy was stoically staring at a point on the opposite wall. His cheeks were flushed now and he was slightly shaking, so that Gibbs wondered whether he should call a nurse for more painkillers after all. But as he was still thinking about that, DiNozzo suddenly started talking again, his voice somewhat calmer, at least a little bit.

"You don't have to answer 'cause I know it's none of my business. It's just… I don't understand, you know. I don't get it. What's so horrible about me finding out about her?"

He finally met Gibbs' eyes now and he felt his heart pick up pace as the pulse was rushing loudly through his ears. He had to tell him now, had to tell him the secret he had even kept from one of the three ex-wives. How hard could it be, really? He trusted the other man and he knew that he would lose him if he didn't tell him right now. Gibbs sighed once again and tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his chest but with no success. Once again, he averted his eyes from DiNozzo's green ones and found interest in his still dirty hands before he finally answered only above a whisper.

"Nothing. Nothing's horrible about it."

"Then what…?" the younger man started but fell silent when Gibbs looked at him again.

"It's something I don't talk about, Tony," he continued and realized that his voice didn't seem like his own, it was too calm, too broken all of a sudden. "But not because of the reasons you think. Listen, I'm sorry..."

"Don't start apologizing again," DiNozzo cut in once more. "It doesn't make any of it better."

"I once learned that it's better to beg forgiveness than ask permission," Gibbs started over, but was met with a furious expression on the other man's face.

"Yeah, and you know where you learned that, for god's sake? You learned it with your daughter, Gibbs. I know it's one of your freaking rules, but it's actually a movie quote. It's from _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_, a goddamn Disney movie."

Gibbs stared at him, trying to remember if he had ever seen that movie, but decided that he hadn't and most certainly not with Kelly. Hell, he wasn't even sure when the movie had come out in the first place and if Kelly could have even been able to watch it before she…  
He quickly redirected his thoughts towards DiNozzo again, knowing that it was more important to man up and tell him the truth than to give in to the pain that suddenly tried to rip his heart apart.

"No, I didn't. I don't know where I've heard it, DiNozzo, but it sure as hell wasn't a Disney movie. Doesn't matter anyway because it's true. And I am sorry, whether you want to hear it or not. But not for what you think. I'm none of the things you just made me out to be, but I get where you're coming from," his voice had gone soft again and it somehow caused DiNozzo to settle down again, which in return calmed Gibbs down, too, at least he wouldn't hurt himself even more because of him. "I never missed a single one of Kelly's birthdays, if you don't count her actual day of birth, but I was deployed at the time and was back home two days afterwards. There's hardly a thing that I regret more. I've been there for the eight ones after that, though."

He felt silent once again, trying to collect his thoughts and almost desperately trying not to lose his nerves now.

"The reason I never told…" he wanted to continue, but DiNozzo interrupted him once again, the little color draining from his face.

"Eight birthdays? But you were already working for NCIS nine years ago. How could you still be deployed then?"

"She was born in 1984."

"But…," DiNozzo interjected before his eyes widened ever so slightly and his face got impossibly pale.

Gibbs just continued to stare at him, his heart pounding heavily in his chest as if it wanted to get rid of the aching pain there. He took a deep breath and then nodded almost imperceptibly.

"She's dead, Tony."

The fierce pain that had been waiting to return right under the surface finally made his way up towards Gibbs' insides. It hadn't done him any good telling the other man and that was exactly why he hadn't done it before. It only ever doubled his own pain and he couldn't handle it. He hadn't handled it very well back when he had told Diane and he wouldn't handle it well with DiNozzo now. He would have to deal with it, though. He knew because he couldn't just walk away from him as he had done with the wives.  
He just didn't want to; it was as simple as that.  
He watched DiNozzo's eyes grow impossibly wider before he blinked a couple of times and Gibbs realized with quite some surprise that the green in them had somehow gotten brighter.

"God, I'm so sorry, Gibbs," the younger man finally choked out, his voice so quiet that Gibbs almost involuntarily leaned closer to him. "And here I go and on how bad a father you are. I'm such an idiot."

"No, you're not," Gibbs replied just as quietly, feeling something inside of him mend itself, though he had no idea why and what exactly it was. "You couldn't have known and that's my fault. I'm just no good at talking about her, so I tend to avoid it as much as can."

"I get that," DiNozzo nodded, his voice still rather soft and his eyes still bright as if tears were threatening to escape them. "I'm sorry for making you… I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," he replied. "I just wanted you to understand that's all."

"How did it happen?" the younger man asked after a moment of silence with them just staring at each other.

"She died in a car crash along with my first wife while they were under NIS protection detail. Shannon wanted to testify against a drug dealer, so he decided to have her killed. I was overseas when it happened."

DiNozzo looked at him and Gibbs could almost see the heartbreak right on his face. That had been one of the reasons why he hardly ever told anyone about them. He didn't need the pity of others, didn't need them to try to soothe him. He didn't need all of that because it simply didn't make it better. If anything, it only forced him to think more about what he had lost and he wasn't prepared to do that if he wasn't at least drunk enough to ignore the pain in his heart.

But to Gibbs' surprise, DiNozzo just nodded and didn't offer any consolation other than a muttered  
"Shit."  
And that was when he realized why exactly he liked the other guy that much. It was the way he was simply accepting things, when there was nothing to be done about them. It was his almost stoic calm whenever it actually mattered and Gibbs would probably be forever thankful for that.

They sat in silence for a long while and Gibbs couldn't help but feel himself calm down slowly but steadily. At least, DiNozzo didn't seem to be angry at him anymore. He seemed to understand his reasons for not telling him, even if it was probably still an issue of trust for him and Gibbs couldn't exactly blame him for it, but he'd have to deal. It was better than having him angry at him, way better than having to watch him resign.  
Still, it wasn't what he wanted. God, it was far less than he really wanted, but that was a whole different kind of problem and to be discussed another time – if ever. Right now, it was all about getting back on track with DiNozzo again and getting him back to health and maybe even on terms with Wendy, if that was what he really wanted. Gibbs knew that the guy deserved some happiness and that he, Gibbs, couldn't give it to him, not even to some extent. But if Wendy was able to do that, he wouldn't stand in the way.

As if on cue, the younger man groaned ever so slightly and then turned to look at him again.

"About those painkillers…"

"I'll call the nurse," Gibbs just replied and was almost out of the room, when DiNozzo cleared his throat, causing him to turn around once again.

"Thanks for telling me," he then said so quietly that Gibbs had trouble to even understand him.

He looked at him for a moment before he simply nodded and then closed the door behind him.

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_A/N: Thoughts? Complaints? Let me know what you think, please! :)_


	11. Revelations

_A/N: Hey guys! Once again, thank you so much for your awesome reviews, the many story alerts and the favorites! :) Made writing this fic much more worthwhile.  
So... Yeah, this is the last chapter of this little story, I hope you like it... and I did mention this was _pre_-slash, right? xD  
Anyway... Thanks! ;)_

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Chapter Eleven: Revelations

Gibbs waited in the solace of a dark corner for a little while, trying to figure out why the well-known pain wasn't eating him up alive this time. Whenever he had told somebody about the family he had once had, it had taken him days and sometimes even weeks to recover from the conversation and all the emotions it brought with it. But now he was feeling mostly okay. In fact, if he was feeling anything, it was relief and that hadn't happened often before and never in that particular context for sure.  
He didn't know whether it was because it actually felt good to share that kind of information with someone or because DiNozzo apparently wasn't mad at him any longer. Or maybe he was simply relieved that the other guy would be alright, had survived all of this.  
Not for the first time did Gibbs wonder how in the world he had managed to do that. He should be thankful for it, he knew that, and he was, too, but there was still something seething right above his head, something ominous. He didn't know what it was exactly but he decided to ignore it for the time being, decided to push it away until everything else had settled down somewhat.

"There you are, Gibbs," Abby's voice startled him out of his thoughts as she rounded the corner towards him. "How's Tony?"

"Okay," he shrugged. "Still in pain, but he's going to be alright."

"Thank God," she let out a relieved sigh. "Have you talked to him, yet?"

"Yep."

"Really, that's all you're going to say?" Abby huffed, but couldn't help the broad smile on her face as she threw her arms around him.

Gibbs let himself be enveloped in the tight hug, taking a few deep breaths and realized only now that he actually was relieved. Relieved that DiNozzo would eventually be alright, would eventually be working at his side again. He rested his chin on Abby's shoulder for a moment longer than he would have normally done as he let the sheer exhaustion that he was suddenly feeling crush over him. DiNozzo had survived this, he, himself, had survived this and he had told him his darkest secret. He knew that the secret was safe with the other man and that he could go to him and talk about it if he ever should feel the need to. And alone knowing that he could do that, made all of it somehow easier.

"Everything will be alright now, right?" Abby mumbled after a while and Gibbs reluctantly let go of her.

"Yeah, Abs."

"And you did talk to him for real?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, slightly confused as he looked at her more closely.

"You know," Abby hesitantly answered as if she had to think about the right words to say. "That he's not alone just because his dad is stupid enough not to give a damn about him. That we're here for him?"

"He knows that, Abs."

"Maybe he does, but it surely wouldn't hurt to tell him."

"Okay," Gibbs just replied, knowing that the Goth wouldn't let it rest until he agreed to tell him anyway. "I'll have to get back in there."

"I know," Abby answered, still smiling at him as he engaged him in another, shorter hug.

He had already made a few steps away from her as she spoke up once more, her voice so serious that it caused Gibbs to turn around to look at her again.

"Please, tell him, okay? It means much more coming from you than from me or Ducky. Just tell him."

Gibbs met her glance for a few moments, trying to figure out whether she was actually only talking about telling DiNozzo that they were there for him or about something else entirely. But she just kept on smiling at him so knowingly that Gibbs gut started to churn ever so slightly. Was he really that easy to see through these days? He was, after all, pretty sure that Ducky knew what was going on with him when it came to DiNozzo, but he hadn't realized that Abby had apparently picked up on stuff, too. He'd really have to work on his poker face again if he wanted to keep it a secret at least from the young man himself.  
He knew that it probably meant that he was a coward if he didn't tell him, but he wouldn't put that kind of pressure on the poor guy and especially not when he was so obviously still pining over Wendy.

He gave Abby a curt nod and then slowly went back to DiNozzo's room. Carefully entering the room as not to wake up the younger man, he was slightly surprised when DiNozzo's eyes snapped open immediately. He was still looking tired but gave him a small but genuine smile, which caused a tiny little voice in the back of Gibbs' head to start yelling at him not to be such a damn coward and simply tell him the truth. He ignored it, however, as he sat down once more.

"You alright?" DiNozzo asked him to his surprise.

"Yeah, why?"

"Dunno. You look kinda… I don't know, rattled."

"It's nothing," Gibbs managed a rather amused snort. "Abby just harassed me about stuff."

"What stuff?" the younger man probed, quite obviously trying to fight off the painkiller's impact on him in order to stay awake a little longer.

"She wanted me to tell you," Gibbs paused for a moment, trying to find a way not to let it sound too girly. "That she's there when you need anything."

DiNozzo let out a laugh and winced ever so slightly as apparently one of his broken ribs had made itself perceivable rather painfully.

"Yeah, that sounds like Abby," he finally said. "And I'm glad she is, but I already kind of knew that."

Gibbs remained silent as he leaned back on his chair, just watching the other guy for a while as he tried to get more comfortable.

"Weird world," DiNozzo finally continued. "Only a week ago, she hated my guts and now she's… you know. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have someone like Abby in my corner and all, but just one little secret and I've won her over. Sometimes it's just so easy."

Gibbs cocked his head ever so slightly, studying the other man's features for a moment and realized that he had once again let his guard down. It was probably due to the painkillers, but it didn't really matter. He wondered what secret exactly he had revealed to their forensic scientist that had made her like him from one moment to the next. Then, Abby's words came back to his mind that DiNozzo didn't have to hide his true self from her anymore. So, it wasn't probably a little secret, as the guy had phrased it, after all. But it was none of Gibbs' business, so he didn't ask, though he actually really did want to know.

"Well," he finally replied. "Once she's your friend, you'll never get rid of her again. And that's a good thing."

"I know," DiNozzo smiled once again as he locked eyes with him and Gibbs felt his gut churn once again.

"Same goes for me," Gibbs heard himself say quietly, even though he had no idea where that had come from all of a sudden.

"Are you?" DiNozzo asked just as quietly, never once breaking their eye contact. "In my corner, I mean."

"Yeah."

The younger man stared at him for a long moment before a broad smile spread on his face. It was one of those real smiles that he had rarely ever seen before and it did strange things to his insides. He caught himself smiling back at the younger man and quickly tried to compose his features, but DiNozzo seemed to have seen it nonetheless, judging from the sudden happy expression that had spread on his face before he let out a long yawn.

"I think," he finally stated, still grinning rather foolishly. "I should get some sleep before I'm gonna go all _Lifetime_ on you. I think it's been enough for one day."

"Yeah," Gibbs snorted, wondering why the careless statement didn't bother him at all, regarding the fact that the younger man had talked about Gibbs' long lost family there, too.

Only when DiNozzo turned around, already having closed his eyes, did Gibbs finally find the courage to open his mouth again to pose the question he had delayed asking for quite a while now.

"Hey Tony," he asked so softly that it surprised even himself, but the other guy didn't even turn back around, so Gibbs continued quickly, not wanting to be interrupted by sleep once again. "Should I give Wendy a call?"

DiNozzo's eyes snapped open at that and he turned back to face him fully once again, his brows furrowed in quite obvious confusion, which caused Gibbs' stomach to give a jolt all of a sudden.

"Why?" he asked incredulously, like it was the most ridiculous thing on earth.

Gibbs just shrugged, trying not to let his inner turmoil show. Why was the guy reacting like that? Had he misjudged the situation after all?

"You, uh, cried out for her last night, DiNozzo. Thought maybe you'd like to see her."

"I did?" DiNozzo asked, still sounding genuinely confused. "I don't remember dreaming at all actually... Oh wait, yeah, I remember now. It's stupid," he shook his head almost imperceptibly. "In my dream she wanted me to get rid of my collection of model cars. You know, all the classics like a '66 _Mustang_ and a '70 _Challenger_. I think I tried to stop her from throwing them away. Kinda dumb," he grinned again before he became serious from one moment to the next as he continued. "And no, I don't want to see her. We're through. I mean," he sighed, apparently trying to find the right words. "I would lie if I said that the break-up wasn't tough, but you already know that. But I've got no desire to see her, let alone get back together with her. I'm over it, her. I like what I have right now and right here, you know."

Gibbs, who had leaned closer towards the bed at those last words, felt his heart stutter for a moment or two as Tony's eyes found his own. He had no idea what the guy was trying to say, had no idea what that small and totally void statement implied, but he found himself gazing back into those green eyes for a long while, trying, almost desperately, to read the other man. Trying to read his expression and yet also trying not to read too much into the younger man's words, but found himself not even capable of doing so. So, he just gazed at him and felt his insides get all fuzzy when Tony just kept on staring back at him, the broad smile from before back on his face.

Tony finally blinked, effectively breaking their eye contact and then yawned once again, causing Gibbs to snap out of his headspace somewhat. He felt himself smile at the other guy nonetheless as he settled back again and then closed his eyes without another word. But he didn't need to say anything anyway. Gibbs wasn't quite sure what had just happened there, but it was enough to know that for one thing, he didn't seem to have any interest in Wendy whatsoever anymore and for another thing, he had just told him that he wanted to stay with him, that he liked it here.  
And Gibbs was almost sure that there had been something else in the other man's eyes, too. It could just be a horrible trick of his own mind, but he thought that he had seen interest in them, too. But he knew that it didn't matter for the time being. What was important at the moment was that Tony had to get better, so that they would be able to tackle all the other things later – and together. And that was really all he could have hoped for mere hours ago, when he had first thought him to be dead and then to be lost to Wendy.  
So, all was exactly like it should be in that exact moment and Gibbs would cling to that for as long as he'd be able to.

.

He wasn't quite sure when he had drifted to sleep himself, but when Gibbs slowly became conscious of his surroundings again, it was already dark outside again. His head was resting on his left arm on the mattress, while his right hand was lying upon –

Tony's.

He blinked a couple of times before he was able to focus somewhat and indeed, it was Tony's hand that he was clutching in his own. He had no idea when or how that had happened, but he found himself unable to let it go any way. The other man's hand seemed to be somewhat warmer than the last time he had held it the night before – before he had regained consciousness, before they had talked, before anything had happened.  
Thinking it was safe to do so because the painkillers had knocked Tony out quite well, Gibbs started to trail soft patterns with his thumb on the back of the other man's hand for a while, never once looking away from their joined hands even if only for a second. He maybe should have, though, because after a little while, he felt Tony move next to him ever so slightly and Gibbs finally averted his glance to look at the younger man's face instead. He was staring at him in wonder for the shortest of moments before he gave him a tired smile.

"Tickles."

Gibbs moved to remove his hand, but Tony was faster than that and held him back as he held on to him, briefly looking him in the eyes again, before he apparently found what he had been looking for in them and interlaced their fingers with each other, giving Gibbs' hand the tiniest of squeezes. The older man returned the gesture and as he continued to look into the other man's eyes, there was suddenly something there that reached Gibbs' heart in a place where it hadn't been touched in a very long time, mending some of the damage there.

.

He had no clue whether Tony had fallen back asleep first or he had, but it didn't matter. All he knew was when he woke up the next morning, he felt oddly rested, despite the slight pain in his back due to the rather uncomfortable sleeping position all night, but he simply couldn't bring himself to care. He stretched himself, careful not to wake the younger man before he lightly ran his fingers up and down his arm, leaving goose bumps in their wake. He could have stayed like that forever, savoring in the bliss of the early morning hour, with no one awake but himself, but it wasn't infinite, of course, and somehow it didn't even bother him.

"Hey," Tony greeted him, his voice still somewhat coarse from sleep. "The doctors will be here pretty soon for their rounds. You should probably go home, huh?"

Gibbs stared at him and removed his hand from the other man's, feeling his heart sink before he noticed the open expression on Tony's face which had nothing to do with wanting him gone.

"Why?" he asked nonetheless, all the while taking Tony's hand in his again and squeezing it.

"Have you looked at yourself lately?" he grinned ever so slightly. "You really need a shower and a change of clothes in case you haven't noticed."

"Hmm," Gibbs just replied, still reluctant to let go.

"Come on," Tony insisted, though. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise I'll still be here later."

He was grinning again and it came so natural to him that Gibbs couldn't help but return it with a smirk of his own as he finally got up. He gave Tony's hand one last squeeze and was already half way out the door when the other guy spoke up again.

"Hey, when you see Abby on your way out, can you tell her that my secret's not a secret anymore?"

Gibbs furrowed his brow before he got a glimpse of the insanely happy expression on Tony's face and realized what exactly his secret had been. The secret that the younger man had been hiding from him and Abby. The secret that had made him hide behind the mask of the ever-joking class clown as Abby had phrased it. This was it that had made her like him after all, the fact that he had only been distant because he had feared that once somebody would find out about it, it would cost his job, would maybe cost some of his newly found friendships.

The secret had been him.

He gave the younger man a lopsided grin, then nodded and was just about to turn around, when he was once again stopped as Tony cleared his throat loudly behind him. Slipping on the mask of the ever-annoyed boos, Gibbs turned around again, barely keeping in the smirk that was building on his lips.

"What, DiNozzo?"

"Nothing, _Boss_," Tony stressed the title. "It's just… next time, if you got something to tell me, could you not wait until I'm half dead and lying under a bridge?"

Gibbs stared at him for a whole second before he realized that the guy was joking, but he nodded solemnly nevertheless, knowing that he would never do that again for sure.

"Sure, Tony," he nodded at him, getting a smile in return and then turned to actually leave the room this time.

"See ya later, Jethro."

He let out a laugh and then closed the door behind him, thinking that he could get used to being called Jethro by the other guy after all.

.The End.

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_A/N: Thanks again for reading and let me know what you thought about this one, too. ;)_


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